I don't think this has been posted before. I did a search and couldn't find it. Tell me if you've read these before!

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.

YeR FReND,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a f--king book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!

Love,
Joey

Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.

Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son!

Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa

Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do.

Love,
Michelle

Dear Michelle,
It blows my f--king mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders."

Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?

Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.

Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?

Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!

Santa

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your house...

Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,
That whiny begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up here. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love,
Marky

Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams!

Santa

:lol: Poor Susan and Jessica, the Chivas Regal response was great! :lol: I've never seen this posted before, good one Aaron! :lol:

LOL! Good one, Aaron. Loved the one with the hot affair and the babysitter. hehe

I have waited so long for this day!!! :D :lol: :D

Gee, I have read this before...I even remember POSTING it right here: If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly (http://www.80sxchange.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3215)

I knew I had read that before. Didn't you post that around Christmas time, Val? :angel: :devil:

I read this joke before....Still funny. :p

That's cool... I figured someone had read it before.

What surprised me though is the fact that I used the search option and looked for anything with "santa" in it and the search returned nothing.

I guess it doesn't work very well! :)

But...let's be serious for a moment. How often do you truly hear a new joke that you have NEVER heard a variation of?

It's been a few years from me. They are all recycled, or just a rip on another joke.

And yes I really have already heard at least 95% of the jokes here. But its good to recirculate them. It's always a new joke for someone out there.

I can tell you wanted to stick it to me Val! Should have seen that one coming!

I still can't believe that I SEARCHED for the joke using the search engine in the message board and it said there were no matches. I certainly won't rely on that anymore. :rolleyes:

I definitely remember that thread too! :lol:

You must be a joke fanatic, because I lot of the jokes I read here I have never heard before. Obviously I don't spend all my spare time reading them! ;) JK

Originally posted by aaronw
That's cool... I figured someone had read it before.

What surprised me though is the fact that I used the search option and looked for anything with "santa" in it and the search returned nothing.

I guess it doesn't work very well! :)

But...let's be serious for a moment. How often do you truly hear a new joke that you have NEVER heard a variation of?

I still can't believe that I SEARCHED for the joke using the search engine in the message board and it said there were no matches. I certainly won't rely on that anymore. :rolleyes:

Are you sure you specified the forum to search as Comedy Central? I just ran a search for Santa and came up with 17 results. If you just typed in santa and hit return, that won't do a thing....we shut off site wide searching for maintenance purposes. You need to specify exactly which forum you want to search.

I have waited so long for this day!!!


:D

Go Val,, Go Val!!!! http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Usersmilies/Rafael/03/OLA.gif

Originally posted by Roemello


Are you sure you specified the forum to search as Comedy Central? I just ran a search for Santa and came up with 17 results. If you just typed in santa and hit return, that won't do a thing....we shut off site wide searching for maintenance purposes. You need to specify exactly which forum you want to search.

Ahhhhhh check! I see said the blind man!

That's what I did... typed in "santa" and hit search. No wonder why I didn't get any results.

Had I known that, I would have specified which forum. Oh well.

I haven't read this one before. :lol: Very funny!

Originally posted by Recker
I definitely remember that thread too! :lol:

You must be a joke fanatic, because I lot of the jokes I read here I have never heard before. Obviously I don't spend all my spare time reading them! ;) JK

Yeah well... had I known side wide searching didn't work, I would have found the joke was posted already and not bothered. I hate posting jokes over and over.

Actually I don't search for jokes anymore. Once in a while I will look for specific ones, but I don't spend hours looking for them like I used to. Too busy with work to care.

Originally posted by aaronw


It's been a few years from me. They are all recycled, or just a rip on another joke.

And yes I really have already heard at least 95% of the jokes here. But its good to recirculate them. It's always a new joke for someone out there.

I can tell you wanted to stick it to me Val! Should have seen that one coming!


You know, it's fine that you've read a joke before. I've seen some of these before myself. :) Notice how I haven't commented in every thread? It's just as easy (easier, even) to hit the "back" button and let others have their fun, rather than hit "reply" and constantly piss on others' parades. And if you think I'm the only one this annoys, you would be wrong. ;) That's why I was only too happy to return the favor. :)

Originally posted by ValJ

You know, it's fine that you've read a joke before. I've seen some of these before myself. :) Notice how I haven't commented in every thread? It's just as easy (easier, even) to hit the "back" button and let others have their fun, rather than hit "reply" and constantly piss on others' parades. And if you think I'm the only one this annoys, you would be wrong. ;) That's why I was only too happy to return the favor. :)

Am I the only one who have noticed this. Val is sorta sexy when she is catty. :p

I agree though. No reason to comment on the originality of jokes. I have like four jokes and I tell them often. Not very original..and come thinking of it..not very funny either. :)

Originally posted by Flix


Am I the only one who have noticed this. Val is sorta sexy when she is catty. :p

She's 24-7 sexy....24-7 nakey too...can't go wrong!! :lol:;)

Originally posted by ValJ

You know, it's fine that you've read a joke before. I've seen some of these before myself. :) Notice how I haven't commented in every thread? It's just as easy (easier, even) to hit the "back" button and let others have their fun, rather than hit "reply" and constantly piss on others' parades. And if you think I'm the only one this annoys, you would be wrong. ;) That's why I was only too happy to return the favor. :)

Well I really don't reply to all of them. Many I do, not but all.

Your comment is understandable.

Hey... at least I'm not Steve Savicki and asking what things are like where you live! :lol:

No you are right, you are not Steve but Aaron sometimes you are just as annoying:lol: :laugh:

Y'all are so crazy, you keep me in stitches!!! :lol: :)