ValJ
3-30-02, 10:18 PM
Found this on the 'net, too. I picked the best ones for ya! :)
MiniHaHas
I live in my own little world, but it's ok... they know me here.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said......."Implants?"
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades... now THAT'S a message!!
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately.
Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom?
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
MiniHaHas
I live in my own little world, but it's ok... they know me here.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said......."Implants?"
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's.
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades... now THAT'S a message!!
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately.
Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom?
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."