I need some advice or some help..
I am going to be alone for the first time of my life. I always had someone special in my life. I was married for 7 years, then i had my wild flings for about 2 years. Then i moved to Kentucky and met Danny. We have been together for about 6 years now.
We have been going down hill for 3 years now. We fight all the time now and the kids see it. I have been saying I am going to leave him and I am going to find a place of my own. But I always come back.
Now his family is on my case, they hate me because I actually hit Danny back and I have left him some scars.
Well they told me one more time we fight I was out of the house (it is their land) and Danny agrees with them.
Well today I found a place to live, I have to give the lady the deposit today. I thought I would be happy, but if I take this place I wont be able to get the kids any Christmas gifts. Should they suffer more?
Danny just called me and I told him I found a place and I would be out by next week. And I told him that we were through.
6 years,, 6 years,, we have a son together and I am finally going to leave. I thought it was the right thing to do, but why am I sitting here crying about it?
I just don't know. It is going to be scary to be on my own with three boys. What if I can't support them? What happens if Logan (our son) hates me like the other boys for leaving their father?
But I think, they don't need to see us fighting. We do have some good times but when we have bad times.. they are really bad. I have a temper and I will not allow a man to hit me or talk to me like a dog.

I am sorry, but you all are my friends.
I really don't know what to do.


Exuse the spelling,, i am just really upset.

Milani...as one of your friends, I'm sorry that you're in this situation right now. If the relationship was bad, you made the right decision by leaving.

If I could help with the Christmas presents, I would.

Do you have any family members you could stay with in the holiday interrim? Maybe they could help.

Sorry if my advice sounds disjointed...

Just remember that we, on here, will always support you, no matter what.

Things will get better, somehow. I believe they will.

You're in my prayers.

Sincerely,

John "outofplacechild" Kilduff

Have you tried family counclers? I think I remember hearing you talk about this guy.......a real JERK! Well the kids happiness should come first, if they're better off with him I'd say stay if it's safe. You seem like a very capable woman, I think you would do fine on your own.


From the bottom of my 15 year old heart, I truly wish you the best! I hate to such a special, wonderful person go through this........you'll be in my prayers always.


Your one of my favorite people! :)

Milani, darlin', kids are resilient. I know they will probably be upset because they have less presents under the tree, but if you explain to them that it won't always be that way, they will understand what you've been going through. You must be totally honest with them. Don't say bad things about Danny though. That will be hurtful to Logan, even if it's true. {{{HUGS}}}

PM me if you need to talk. jen

I don't know you very well, so I will be careful with commenting on a serious issue for you. I do know that your kid will be happy if you're happy. Most children rather wants one happy parent around than two unhappy parents.

i've been thinkin' a while before postin' this. nothing special to say, I've never been there .... yet ! I just can't believe this. How could ya live 6 years together and not caring much more about each . if a girl was staying more than a week, i'd be a haapy bum. And I agree wiv my twin, how can so great a person be plagued wiv this ? There's not alot of help I can offer from here, but what little can i help, count on me !

TGND " Women treated badly, TGND furious. On the material world I would have reacted violently.... it's no answer, but, this guy.... " :mad: :mad: :mad:

Originally posted by That guy next door:
<STRONG>
TGND " Women treated badly, TGND furious. On the material world I would have reacted violently.... it's no answer, but, this guy.... " :mad: :mad: :mad:</STRONG>

I agree with frenchie, men who don't respect women should be castrated cuz they don't deserve their balls! :mad:

I am sorry you are going through this, Milani. It is hard to leave someone you were with for so long. I can still remember when I left my ex. Even for 6 months after the divorce I still was seeing him off and on till I said no more. I was lucky enough to be able to go back and live with my parents right after we separated, then it took 3 years before I had enough money to get on my feet and get my own place.

As far as your kids, I don't know what to say. That is a tough one. Is there any possible way that you can stay with your family for a few months till you can save back some money?

It is tough, but if you are not happy then by all means go on. Don't waste lots of years in a bad relationship. It will be hard at first, but it will get better. You are a pretty woman and can find another man. :) You already got guys in here drooling all over theirselves. I don't even have that. LOL Seriously, just do what you feel is right for you and your children.

I don't even know what to say, except that I agree that kids are resilent. I remember when I was growing up, my best friend went through that...and I was always there when her parents fought, and when they hit each other, and I think that had a more powerful effect on me. I was happy that my parents were happy with each other. I saw what Cindi went through with unhappy parens, and how it affected her.

I think that you need to do what is what is best for you and what you find best for the kids. Do they need to see you both fighting? No. Will they be disappointed on Christmas Day? Maybe. But, it's only temporary. As long as you give your kids 150% of your love and attention, that is what they will carry with them throughout their lives. YOU will have been their strongest supporter, YOU will be what they look for in their future wives, YOU will have been the biggest influence in their lives. Why? Because you are showing them that you are a strong woman, with strong beliefs, and who can and will do anything to make damn certain that her kids are happy. You love those kids with your entire body, heart and soul, you are a great mom, and you will show everyone just how strong you are! Being scared only shows that you are human.

That is only my humble opinion.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Milani,
if you're safer and happier, than the kids will be, too. They're very smart. Once things settle, you can get them a couple of things later and they'll feel lucky when none of the other kids are getting anything that time. lol. Seriously, once you're away from him, you'll feel better, and things will Be better. I'd help if I could, but I have to save up every penny for the move. It Is scary being on our own. But we can do it. Pray for guidance and signs, etc. You'll be fine :)

Milani, I am glad to see you getting away from this guy. You deserve much better and so do your children. Don't be afraid to ask for help of any type to help support those boys. It is tough to be a single parent but if anybody can do it, it would be YOU. You be strong and do what you feel is right no matter how hard it seems to be. And remember, you are loved by everyone here. Vent anytime you need to, we'll listen.

I wish I could do something to help you right now Milani. Just remember your kids will be happier if you are. I've been there. My parents divorced when I was 7. It was hard on me, but my mom did everything she could to keep us kids happy. I hope that one day I'll find a good way to pay her back for everything she's done for me. We'll always be here on the boards to help you out when you need it.

DancingDoll86 said it all I reckon.

I can't think of anything to say to make you feel better, but I commend you on your strength in getting out of a bad situation. Things can only get better from here on in.

Prayers from New Zealand too.

Milani, I am sorry to hear you are going thru this. I'm sure all this happening around the holidays doesn't help either. I must say congrats though on doing this! Raising children in a violent atmosphere is not good for them. They may suffer a little this Christmas but you need to show them that this is not how a relationship should be. You and your partner are the biggest role models they have. Everything you do shapes their future. If this is a violent relationship then leaving and starting over is the best gift you can give them! You Go Girl!!! ;)

Good Luck to you, Milani. :)

{{{HUGS}}}

Thanks you guys.
He came over last night while i was packing. I felt stronger when he wasn't there. But just seeing him brought back the good times. It was so hard to resist. He didn't talk to me as I was packing. This morning he called and asked me if I was calmed down now and ready to think straight. I told him that I needed to do this my kids needed to get away, to live in a place where they can't get kicked out. Everytime we fight he always tells me to get out, I have no family so I have no place to go and he knows that but he still insists on my leaving. I would drive around for hours until he calmed down then I would sneak back in.
Reading your posts made me feel more confident. I do feel stronger. Thanks you guys.

I promise no more about this!!

Well - we've talked about your situation before and I think you can guess how happy I am for you now that you've finally decided to leave :) You have every reason to be proud of yourself {hug}

Milani, I'm glad you left. Your boys seeing you get hit is not good for them. Children do what they see, and I know you wouldn't want your kids to treat a woman the way you were treated.

It will be hard, but maybe you can explain to them that when you're on better footing, you can do something special with them because it's going to be a little tight around Christmas time.

Stay strong, Milani! {{HUGS}}

I have tried to leave so many times.. and it pisses me off that I go back to him everytime. When am I going to get it in my head!! We have tried and tried but nothing seems to work. It will for about a week then we are arguing again.
I have to make up my mind by 12.. it is not final untill I cough up the money.. so i need some positive energy to make this first step.. the first step is always the hardest.
Thanks for your support.

Milani, do this for your children. But, more importantly, do it for yourself. I'm not saying leave him, I'm saying do what is best for you. Ask yourself a question, "Where will I be in five years?". If you stay for another five years, how will things be for you and your boys? If you go, how will things be? And you don't have to stop talking about it because of us, if you need to vent, then vent. Everybody needs to from time to time.

Well I did it.. I paid the deposit and the first months rent and also got my electric on. I will be fine as long as I don't get to see him.
It has been a long time since I have slept alone.. but hey I would rather be alone then arguing with someone all the darn time. The kids will finally be able to relax with out worrying if we are going to scream at eachother.

Milani sweetie you have been going through hell. I am so full of rage at that man for laying a hand on you. Good for you for fighting back.

Ted you don't understand the cycle of abuse and violence kiddo, if he would hit Milani he will hit those kids. She is doing the right thing.

The best Christmas present you can give your kids is a violence free home. You are a strong woman, I know how hard it is to leave. He has probably been messing with your head long before he every laid a finger on you. Stay strong we are here for you. I left a very bad situation in 1989 and some events still haunt me so if you ever need any support you can PM me or email me rharris@unitz.on.ca What ever happens either way I am very happy to listen to you.

Being alone for the first time is scary but it is also an great opportuntiy. You can put yourself first - of course you will put your kids first but you can do some soul searching. Get some counselling because it will help and you will be able to see these abusers coming from a mile away.

Kids don't understand why parents have to divorce but the philosphy of staying for the sake of the children is not good if their mother is being used as a punching bag.

There are agencies out there that will help you with your Christmas too Milani. Go to a rotary club or a lions club or catholic charity and explain your situation. I know you are working but I am sure social services knows of some places that will provide you with a nice Christmas, lots of counselling and may even offer you relief from time to time if you don't feel comfortable leaving them with the father.

I am sending you a huge hug Milani. You are such a strong woman, stronger than you realize. You are Grace under pressure.

Please contact me when ever you need to talk to someone who has been to hell and back - no judgments my friend

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

Milani the first week will be hard. Does he know where you live?

If he comes on sweet as pie and tells you everything wonderful you want to hear - think of yourself down the road in a loving successful violence free relationship - look how much our 80s man adore you. You are worthy of good love :)

If he threatens you, and he will(it par for the course) get a restraining order - actually you should get a lawyer now - there are legal aid clinics I'm sure to help out.

If you feel so lonely and just need someone to hug you and tell you how wonderful you are DO NOT call him. Come here and we'll make you laugh :)

I'm sorry to hear about these troubles. I think you're making the right decision. Get out now while it's still relatively early. I know, it's not early, but compared to what it could be.. I hope everything turns out alright. Actually, I'm sure it will. You seem like a good person and good things happen to good people. Sometimes the road is a bit bumpy, but you're see it through...

Originally posted by Zel:
<STRONG>
Ted you don't understand the cycle of abuse and violence kiddo, if he would hit Milani he will hit those kids. She is doing the right thing.

</STRONG>


I think you miss understood me.......I didn't mean for her to stay. That would be the death of what could be a good childhood for them and a happy life for her.

Warm, loving (((((HUGZ)))) For the most amazing woman. :)

Ted said much earlier :
I agree with frenchie, men who don't respect women should be castrated cuz they don't deserve their balls!



Castratin' is good Ted, but which technic should ya use. Oral Castration, either gay-ish or pleasurable depending on who performs it ! sledgehammer ? would be spread all over the place ! I personnaly pick Q-Tip castration. It last longer, and ya have to force it a whole lot !

sorry fer the explicit violence, but some men ( whose name are not ted or french one ) deserves it !

TGND " See Ted Bro'. Violence, bloodshed and MILANI !!!! "

Originally posted by Zel:
<STRONG>tell you how wonderful you are </STRONG>


I don't think I have made a post yet that doesn't mention how wonderful and beautiful you are, Milani. :)

Thanks.. you guys really are true friends. I went there last night to start moving in.. but the electric and the water wasn't on. I was so furious. So I cant' move in right now. I am going to call them later today to find out what happened. I am also going to the Christian Appalachian Project today and asking them if they can help me in some way. Thanks again everyone.. the big step is taken now I just have to take the little steps to get on my feet again. I will never get myself or my kids in this kind of situation again. I will always have my own place and no one will tell me to pack up my bags and leave.
Ted.. if I was so wonderful why am I alone right now?
Just kidding..
Thanks

Originally posted by Milani:
<STRONG>
Ted.. if I was so wonderful why am I alone right now?
Just kidding..
Thanks</STRONG>

Milani, you may be alone physically, but you'll always have us and that means you're never really alone. {{{HUGS}}}

Originally posted by Milani:
<STRONG>
Ted.. if I was so wonderful why am I alone right now?
Just kidding..
Thanks</STRONG>


That's because it's hard to find someone good enough for someone so great. :)

You have a sweet comment for everything.. that is nice..

I believe there is someone out there for everyone. Some of us just have to wait a little longer and go through some bull. ( I know all about that!)

Milani it will happen for you. When it does...it will be wonderful! :)

My dearest Milani, I'm not very good at giving advice on these things because I'm so inexperienced with violent relationships and I can't believe these things happen, but I pray that everything will be ok. I'm very proud of you for being so brave - just remember you're never alone :) everyone loves you on the XCHANGE, not just me! take care Muffin

Originally posted by Milani:
<STRONG>if I was so wonderful why am I alone right now?
Thanks</STRONG>

Because you have yet to find someone worthy of you! :)

Jen said:
Milani, you may be alone physically, but you'll always have us and that means you're never really alone. {{{HUGS}}}

Jen said my sentiments exactly. Milani you are not alone. We are here for you.

There is some great guy out there worthy of you and your children that will not abuse you emotionally or physically. Give yourself sometime to heal and let the guys on the board flirt with you (they love it :) )

Who? Us flirt? Never... :rolleyes:

oh yes, we are always on our best behaviour! right Shakey? ;)

Milani, this is for you:

Believe In Yourself

Believe in yourself and in your dream
Though impossible things may seem
Someday, somehow you'll get though
TO the goal you have in view

Mountains fall and seas divide
Before the one who in [her] stride
Takes a hard road day by day
Steeping obstacles away

I just want to tell my friends here what happened this past weekend.

Friday after work I went to Danny's and packed up somethings. I was so glad he wasn't home at the time. I then picked up the boys and came back thinking that I was atleast going to spend the night so i could finish packing. Well we drove up at 10pm and went in to see him and his buddy drunk on the couch. I knew what was going to happen so I hurried up and started packing the neccessities. He then started running his mouth and told me to just get the hell out now if i was going to leave him. I was happy to finally say "Alright I am leaving" we packed up all we could and we left. He was yelling at us on the way out. I told the kids to hurry and run to the car. We spent the night at OUR new house Friday. It felt so good, we all felt secure. We put up the tree up that night and we sang songs and we took all our blankets and we all slept near the tree.
But Sunday the septic tank overflown in the new trailor. So I had no one else to call but you know who?
But the landlord is suppose to fix it today. I am so happy.. Thanks again everyone for your support..
KISSES

Originally posted by Milani:
<STRONG>I just want to tell my friends here what happened this past weekend.

Friday after work I went to Danny's and packed up somethings. I was so glad he wasn't home at the time. I then picked up the boys and came back thinking that I was atleast going to spend the night so i could finish packing. Well we drove up at 10pm and went in to see him and his buddy drunk on the couch. I knew what was going to happen so I hurried up and started packing the neccessities. He then started running his mouth and told me to just get the hell out now if i was going to leave him. I was happy to finally say "Alright I am leaving" we packed up all we could and we left. He was yelling at us on the way out. I told the kids to hurry and run to the car. We spent the night at OUR new house Friday. It felt so good, we all felt secure. We put up the tree up that night and we sang songs and we took all our blankets and we all slept near the tree.
But Sunday the septic tank overflown in the new trailor. So I had no one else to call but you know who?
But the landlord is suppose to fix it today. I am so happy.. Thanks again everyone for your support..
KISSES</STRONG>

*Huge smile as he reads this*

That's so great it's working out for you, Milani! :) That's so sweet, sleeping near the tree like that. :)

It was a feeling I can't describe. I loved it Ted.. for once in a long time I really felt secure and comfortable. I watched the kids sleep and I thanked God for his blessings. And for giving me the courage to make that final step.

well well well, npw that's big GOOD news ! I'm glad things settled right fer ya ! well I'm not sure it's over yet, but ya had the will to overcome the hardest part and I wish y the best in yer new safe home !

TGND " Finally, there's sumthin' unpreditable about life , but somehow, someway it turns out right. " How ? " remains a mystery "

It's that feeling exactly that is going to carry you through this. No matter what, you are a strong woman, with tons of people behind you, (Aron and I are 2!!!!), who would jump into their car and come help you in any way that you needed us. Hopefully, you won't have to call that crap-weasle again!!

{{{major hugs}}}

(BTW...have I told you that I really admire your strength? I really do!!) :D

Good job Milani! It sounds like things are moving in the right direction. I agree with DancingDoll, I hope you don't have to call that crapweasel again! :p

I'm so proud of you Milani - I new you could do it! You're 'stalkee' thinks you're the beez kneez baby

It's that feeling exactly that is going to carry you through this. No matter what, you are a strong woman, with tons of people behind you, (Aron and I are 2!!!!), who would jump into their car and come help you in any way that you needed us. Hopefully, you won't have to call that crap-weasle again!!
{{{major hugs}}}

(BTW...have I told you that I really admire your strength? I really do!!)



I got a call from the land lord and he said the house was fixed. I did the happy dance. But when i opened the bathroom door there was water everywhere and running down the hall. I was so mad
He didn't fix it. I tried the phone to call him and give him a piece of my mind.. but guess what :mad: the phone wasn't working. So i had to run out in the rain and call him. I got to the phone and didnt' have his number. :mad:
I finally got a hold of him and told him and he said he will look into it tomorrow. So that meant i had to call weasel and beg him to allow us to stay.
I have been waiting for the land lords call all day.. nothing. :mad:
I drove to the house to make sure something was being done :mad: What did I find? Nothing. No one has been doing anything.
I spent all my money to get out on my own and to be safe.. and look what happens :mad:
My strength is going fast, and it is being replaced with anger. I have a new place but I can't even stay there... :mad:

Throws arms in the air&gt;&gt;&gt;

I give up... :mad:

you poor thing! nothing seems to be going right for you. :( I guess the most wonderful people go through alot before they're happy. Hang in there. :) Your always in this little boys prayers. :)