Dear Freaks,
My quest to find the true meaning of freakiness has only just begun and I realize that this is not going to be easy.The real world is a strange place,people have these things called Jobs and everyday they walk like zombies to places were they do mindless,repetitive tasks to earn money to survive.This concept is a very scary one to me,and I'm starting to think that maybe my leaving the freak world was a mistake,but I will travil on.I must find the meaning of it all.I've taken one of these "jobs"in order to discover the ways of the outside world,the job I've taken is one of great importance and respect,I am part of a crew that keeps the health of the people good and that this outside world couldn't live without.I am a man who is very respected in this place,I am what these outsider's call a "Garbage Man"(I am proud to have such a title,for some reason many of these outsiders never aspire to reach this goal,I guess they don't have the confidence in themselves to try and attain this lofty statis)and you should see all the neat stuff I get to keep.
Hope everything is going well there,and I will write as often as possible.
I miss you all.

Culty.

Hey, man! Do some dumpster diving for me. You can find some cool stuff like that. I always scout the dumpsters at work. People are always throwing out good computer books. The people I work with call me a bag lady... <img src="biggrin.gif" border="0">

Come around and play when you can.

Dear Freaks,
Well I'm sad to say that I no longer hold the lofty position of "Garbage Man" seems that your not aloud to let hitchhikers ride in the "Garbag Truck" especially in the back.Oh well,on with my quest.Last night,as I was walking down the street,this car load of people drove passed and yelled"freak".Even these people recognize my royal freak statis,I'm greatly respected here.These people in the real world aren't so bad after all!
Anyway,I found myself in this place called a "Sports Bar",it's a strange place where everyone wears their hats backwards and drink much beer all while screaming at professional sporting events on T.V.Not the quietest of places but they have the best chicken I think I've ever had.
But,I had to continue my search,so I stumbled out of the bar and went on down the road.I soon found myself at another bar,one called "The Rack"this,my fellow freaks,was definatly my kind of place.There were chains on the walls and people with whips,almost reminded me of home,I struck up a conversation with this beautiful,although very tall,woman named Lola who eventually told me of this old man,kind of a guru of freakiness,who held all the answers that I seek.I was very excited and wanted to find him right away but she said I couldn't see him til morning and she suggested that I spend the night with her,Well being the freak lord(and also a man)I figured,what the Hell.We got back to her place and she was,shall we say,being very friskey.It was then that I realized that things weren't what they seemed.Well,my fellow freaks,I may be the Lord of Freaks,but there are just somethings that "Culty don't play with" I ended up jumping from her window,forgetting that her apt. was on the third floor.I fell into a dumpster and the next thing I remember,it was morning and this small Dog was licking my face(it has the longest strangest tail of any dog I've ever seen)but now I have a pet(I named him foamy) and a purpose,I must find the Freak Guru!
Thats about all for now,I will write again when the time allows.
Hope everything is well and freaky.

Culty

Oh, yeah, culty, milord, nothing going on at home but the freakin'. Still gettin' freaky with it. Yessir. Gotta go now. Uh...have fun.

Dear Freaks,
Foamy and I are on the trail of the Freak Guru.I need to find someone who can give me a clue to his where-abouts.I think I may have a really good lead,you see,me and foamy were walking down the street when I heard someone whispering my name from this darkened alley,We followed the voice and standing by this little multi-colored car was this clown,he told me that to find the freak guru,I must go farther west,to where the city ends,then hang a right,and that I couldn't miss it.Well I wrote down what he said and then turned to thank him but he just jumped into his little car and drove away.Oh well,at least now I have a viable clue.So now the journey to the end of the city comences.I'm so excited,finally I will find the true meaning of freakyness.Wow,who'd of thought clowns could be so helpful!Anyway,as always,I hope all is well and I'll write again soon.
Yours in freakyness
Culty

P.S
Foamy says Bye,Bye too

A clown?? UHOH <img src="eek.gif" border="0">

Clowns are baaaaaad news Culty..

Dear Freaks,
Well,Foamy and I followed the Clowns directions to find the Freak Guru,but I must have written them down wrong.I went to the edge of the city and turned right,but the only thing out there was this vast forest.I guess the Guru lives in the woods.So off into the woods I go.We got into the woods just as it was getting dark.Well,I can tell you that I was a little nervous,Foamy wouldn't even come out of my jacket,boy was he scared!We walked deeper and deeper into the forest and it was getting darker and darker.Just as we thought we'd get hopelessly lost,I saw a light ahead in the darkness.We walked toward the light and came to this little house,I thought this must be the Guru's house!I walked in and saw this little man,I think he was a dwarf.I asked him if he was the Freak Guru,but alas,he said he wasn't!But he said he knew how to find him!He said that all I had to do was to follow the green brick road!After much conversation,he gave Foamy and I a place to sleep and the next morning,he took us to the start of the green brick road.We thanked him(Well I did,foamy can't talk,he only squeeks)and now we are setting off down the green brick road to find the Freak Guru!I really feel very positive about our journey,I know well find him soon!I'll keep you all up to date on my progress.
I hope 8teesbuff is ruling well and you all are as freaky as ever.
Talk to ya soon..
Your Freak Lord,
Culty
And his faithful companion,
Foamy

8teesBuff ruling very well?? You dont know us very well do you<img src="smile.gif" border="0"> hahahahaha

No worries, culty. **jabs topcat with elbow--HARD--"be quiet, he doesn't need to know this!!"** Everything's just freaky. Have a good freakin' time.

Dear Freaks,
So much has happened to me and Foamy,that I can hardly explain it all.First off,we set off down the green brick road to find the Freak Guru.We had traveled only a short distance,when we cam across a man in a very expensive 3 piece suit,sitting along the road.He looked very sad so I asked him what was wrong!He told me that he was a congressman,but that no one would take him seriously because of the choices he had made in his life,then he sang this song...

"I stood up for Richard Nixon,
Ted Kennedy's drink's I'm mixin'
But they say I am Insain.
All the babies I'd be kissin'
I'd be the greatest politician,
If I only had a Brain!"

Well,needless to say,I felt sorry for him and invited him to come with me and Foamy to find the Freak Guru.Maybe He could give this poor man a brain.He agreed and off we went down the road.
A littler while later,we came across a Redneck,except he was no ordinary Redneck,He was covered all over in Aluminum Foil(He said it was to stop the Govt.Brain waves or something)He also seemed a little sad,When I asked him what was wrong,he sang this little tune...

"I make my own beef jerkey,
From Beaver,skunk and turkey,
but from people I'm apart.
I would even be nice to yuppies,
And stop shootin'at stray puppies,
If I only had a heart!"

Well,I told him that the freak guru would surly give him a heart if he came along with us.He kinda looked at us sorta funny,but decided to go anyway!
Again we were off along the green brick road.
After some hours,we came to what had to be the darkest part of the forrest,Let me tell you,this was one very scary place.Wolves howled in the distance,owls hooted in the dead trees,and something was moving in the shadows!
All of a sudden,a Vampyre jumped out of the shadows!Well that ol' tin foil Redneck raised his rifle,and got ready to fire,but the Vampyre just fell to the ground in the fetal possition and began to cry out"Please don't hurt me!"I walked over to him and said that we wouldn't harm him.He finally calmed down and thanked us,he said his name was Vladimir and sang this song....

"I'm supposed to stalk at midnight,
But I'm just to full of fright,
So no blood do I deserve.
I would know what I was missin'
And the streets would flow with crimson,
If I only had the Nerve!"

Well,I also invited Vladimir along to see the Freak guru,I just know he'd give this Vampyre the courage he seeks.
So off we all went,Me,Foamy,The Congressman,The tin foil Redneck,and Vladimir the cowardly Vampyre,All off to see the freak Guru.
I shall,as always,keep you all informed.Oh and by the way,I'd like to appologize to all of you for not trusting you all in the past.I know none of you would consciencely try to overthrow the freak kingdom,you freaks are the greatest in all the world.I am proud to have you all in my world,I*snif* think you freaks are one of a kind,and when I get the knowledge I'm seeking,I'm gonna come back and reward all of you for being there for 8teesbuff and myself in these trying times.
I salute you all!!!!

Yours freakishly,
Culty

If you tell me you're wearing a blue and white checked gingham dress, culty, I am going to pee my pants laughing. I especially liked "Stop shootin' at stray puppies". Big Bully!!!

Ummmm.... Yeah, Buff is the Queen She rules the Freak world....Yes sir she does <img src="smile.gif" border="0">

Culty isn't your birthday today or sometime this week? If so,I get first dibs on your a** <img src="smile.gif" border="0">

Yes,My birthday was yesterday(the 19th)I was out all day so I didn't get a chance to post anything but thanx for remembering.

Happy belated Birthday Cultleader. <img src="cool.gif" border="0">

Happy Freakin' Birthday, culty!! <img src="smile.gif" border="0">

Tanx,yous guys!

Now pull down those zebra stripped pants so I can give you your birthday smacks <img src="biggrin.gif" border="0"> Puleeze when you and OPC are done can I borrow your "bitch" outfit?? <img src="smile.gif" border="0">

It's yours!! Do you need the horse whip or do you want the leather strap? Ouchie on the boo-tay!!!

Dear Freaks,
Well,it's been a few days and we've traveled far.No real problems,except for some evil witch who sent some flying monkeys after us,I won't bore you with that story but I must say,That tin foil Redneck can make jerkey out of anything,we haven't needed to find food in days.
Anyway we've come to the edge of what must be the Guru's land,it's an interesting place,where rivers of cheez whiz flow past trees made of Spam.I can see a large mountain rising up in the distance,this must be the place.
I think my journey is almost at an end and I should be home soon.I can't wait to see how the kingdom fares.I hope 8teesbuff is ruling you all well!
With the information I'm sure to recieve,I will return to rule the freak world like never before.
We're heading off to the mountain now,I'll write back very soon,hopefully with the true meaning of freakiness and the message that I'm on my way home!

See ya soon.
Culty

We will all be waiting for you when you get home <img src="smile.gif" border="0"> We will throw a Freak party for you <img src="smile.gif" border="0">

Dear Freaks,
I am proud to tell you all that I have finally met the freak Guru!!!He lives in a little house made of empty Valvoline bottles on top of a huge mountain.He knew right away why we were all there.First,he gave the congressman his brain,then he gave the Tin Foil Redneck his heart,and he even gave the Cowardly Vampyre some courage.My new friends were all very happy and we each said a tearful goodbye and off they all went to live there lives.I'll miss them all very much,but I told them to come to the freak world and visit sometime(Although,the Vampyre now worries me a little,he seemed a little hungry)Then the Guru called me forward to give me the info I came for!First he informed me that Foamy wasn't a dog after all(He's actually a very large sewer Rat,but I love him anyway)then he told me the true meaning of freakiness.My fellow freaks I can't begin to express the joy I now feel,I now know I can rule the freak world as it should be ruled.A new era is about to dawn,my friends,and there shall never be another like it ever.Freakiness will be at an all time high.Foamy and I are now on our way home,we should arrive in the next day or so(it depends if these ruby slippers the Guru sold me are any good)I look forward to seeing you all again and when I get back,I will hold a special press confrence to let you all in on the information I have been given.
See you all very soon,and prepare for my arrival

Love in freakishness,
Culty