I just found this paper I had to do for a creative writing assignment my 2nd year of college. It was to re-write an Act of Hamlet. It was graded by how much it made the professor laugh /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif I got an A+ /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif

Hamlet, Prince of Denmark (Homeboy Remix)
By Roemello
Copyright © 1997 by Roemello

ACT IV - Scene 1 (A Room in the castle)

[Enter King Claudius, Queen Gertrude, Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern]

CLAUDIUS: What's up with you Gertrude? Where's that boy of yours?
GERTRUDE: Rosencrantz, Guildenstern...Get your scrawny asses outta here! Leave us alone for a while. [Rosen & Guild leave the room] Damn Claud...the shit I've been through tonight!
CLAUDIUS: What you talkin' bout Gertrude? How's Hamlet?
GERTRUDE: That boy is seriously pissed off. He was in my room, we were talking, then he thought you were behind the curtain and stabbed Pelonius.
CLAUDIUS: That's ****ed up! That brotha's out to kill us all. We gotta keep a sharp eye on that boy before he puts all our heads to bed. You know where he went?
GERTRUDE: He took the body away. I don't think he meant to kill the guy.
CLAUDIUS: Oh please. That don't excuse the action. Yo! Rosen, Guild...get yo asses in here! [re-enter Rosen & Guild] Go find Hamlet! He dropped Pelonius and dragged him out the door. Go make sure the body gets to a chapel. [Rosen & Guild take a hike] C'mon Gertrude, we'll call up our peeps and let 'em know what's up. Damn boy killin' people thinking it's me. I got a good mind to smack him upside the head. [aside] Punk ass bitch. [everybody leaves]

ACT IV - Scene 2 (Another room in the castle)

[Enter Hamlet]

HAMLET: That takes care of that.
ROSEN & GUILD: Hamlet! Yo Hamlet, where you at?
HAMLET: Who the **** is making all that racket? Who's calling me? Ah! Here we go.
ROSENCRANTZ: What did you do with Pelonius' body?
HAMLET: I threw some dust on it and threw it over there.
ROSENCRANTZ: Over where? We need to get that body and bring it to a chapel.
HAMLET: I don't believe this...
ROSENCRANTZ: What are talkin' bout?
HAMLET: That you got the nerve to be steppin' to me. You, the little piss ant, kiss ass that you are making demands.
ROSENCRANTZ: You callin' me an ass kisser?
HAMLET: Damn right! Your lips are so far up the king's ass, he don't need to go to a toilet to take a shit...he got his own portable toilet with yo ass. Screw calling toilets a John...we'll call 'em Rosencrantz from now on.
ROSENCRANTZ: Say what!?
HAMLET: What are you def, blind or stupid? Oh, never mind.
ROSENCRANTZ: Anyway, we need that body now and you gotta haul ass with us to King Claud.
HAMLET: He ain't gettin' shit. I will however go with you to that sorry ass.
[exaunt...or whatever]

continued on next post....

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- Roemello
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/THEROCK.gif" border=0> http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"Do you smell what The Roem is cookin'?"

ACT IV - Scene 3 (Another room in the castle)

[enter Claudius, attended]

CLAUDIUS: I've sent Rosen & Guild to get Hamlet and the body. Damn kid's dangerous. I'd like to throw his ass in jail, but everybody loves him. I gotta do something.
[enter Rosencrantz] What's up! What's goin' on?
ROSEN: Where he put the body, we can't get it
CLAUDIUS: So where is he?
ROSEN: He's here
CLAUDIUS: Well bring his sorry ass in here!
ROSEN: Yo! Guild! Bring in Hamlet! [enter Hamlet & Guildenstern]
CLAUDIUS: Alright Hamlet, enough wit the bullshit, where the **** is Pelonius?
HAMLET: He's at supper, chillin'
CLAUDIUS: At supper? The dude's dead, how the hell is he eating supper?
HAMLET: He ain't eatin' He's being eaten by worms that at a king then ate some fish or some shit like that.
CLAUDIUS: What the **** are you talking about?
HAMLET: Just portrayin' to you how a king can journey through the guts of a begga.
CLAUDIUS: Enough with the bullshit, you're pissing me off now. Where's the body?
HAMLET: I don't know, maybe in heaven. If you don't find him there, he's probably stinking something nasty up in the lobby.
CLAUDIUS: [too attendants] Go get the body.
HAMLET: Slow down dummies, he ain't goin nowhere!
CLAUDIUS: Hamlet, you know what you did can't go unpunished but since you're just such a big shot, I'm just going to send your ass to England.
HAMLET: England!?
CLAUDIUS: Yeah; you got a problem with that?
HAMLET: Nah, no probs C.
CLAUDIUS: Don't be so sure ya cocky bastard.
HAMLET: Whatever, I'm out.
CLAUDIUS: [to Rosen & Guild] Follow him. Make sure he doesn't do anything funny. I can't wait till that little shit is dead. Got me all pissed off and shit...[exeaunt]

ACT IV - Scene 4 (A plain in Denmark)

[Enter Fortinbras, Captain, and his crew]

FORT: Go Captain, go meet the Danish king; tell him what's going on with the march and shit.
CAPTAIN: I-ight.
FORT: Ease up on that walk dog. [Fortinbras leaves...in walks Hamlet, Rosen, Guild, and others]
HAMLET: What's up kid?, whose crew is this?
CAPTAIN: They're from Norway...westside.
HAMLET: Who you up against?
CAPTAIN: Some part of Poland...eastside.
HAMLET: Who's the lead dog of this crew?
CAPTAIN: Old Norway's nephew, Fortinbras.
HAMLET: You up against all of Poland or just a little piece?
CAPTAIN: Just a little spot. Not all that much.
HAMLET: They frontin' tough up there?
CAPTAIN: Yeah, they got it pretty tight.
HAMLET: Have faith my brotha, you'll get 'em
CAPTAIN: Thanks man, One love dog... [exit]
ROSEN: You comin' Hamlet?
HAMLET: Yeah, go on I'll catch up wit you.[exeaunt all but Hamlet] Damn, all these losers going to fight and die for some big shot king? Gimme a break. Shit, I forgot what I was gonna say...who needs a long ass sililoque anyway...[exeaunt]

Continued in next post...

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- Roemello
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/THEROCK.gif" border=0> http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"Do you smell what The Roem is cookin'?"

ACT IV - Scene 5 (Elsinore castle)

GERTRUDE: I ain't talking to that crazy bitch!
GENTLEMEN: She's messed up. She needs help Gertrude.
GERTRUDE: What's up with her?
GENTLEMEN: Sometimes she talks about her father. I don't know what else. She's just talking all kinds of crazy shit.
HORATIO: Good Gertrude, Thank God someone's gonna talk to her. That shorty's got a nasty mind, yo.
GERTRUDE: Let her in.
OPHELIA: Where's that fine Queen Gertrude?
GERTRUDE: Over here Ophelia.
OPHELIA: [sings] How do I distinguish you from all these losers around me?
GERTRUDE: Excuse me?!
OPHELIA: What? Listen! [sings] He is dead in the ground six feet down. Head to grass alone with at his feet a stone.
GERTRUDE: Hold on, speak english girl!
OPHELIA: Damn you!, Listen! [sings] garmented with nice flowers, weeping to the grave.
CLAUDIUS: What's up Ophelia?
OPHELIA: Why hello big poppa, God be at your table!
CLAUDIUS: Conceit upon her father...
OPHELIA: Shut up! I will tell you what it means. Listen! [sings] Tomorrow is St. Valentines day and I will be your valentine. Into your room and lock the door, I'll be for you as a two dollor whore. In my ass, out my ass, never departed more...
CLAUDIUS: What...the...heck!?
OPHELIA: Without promise, I'll make good on my word! [sings] By Jesus after you got me open you promised me to wed.
CLAUDIUS: How long has she been like this?
OPHELIA: I hope everything will be OK when the time comes to bury him we weill know of it. Til then, good night all [exits]
CLAUDIUS: Follow her; make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. She's all ****ed up because of the death of her father, Pelonius. Acting like she snorted up a kilo of somethin' Everyone else don't know what to think. Oh what a ****ed up world we live in. [a noise echos within]
GERTRUDE: What the hell was that?
CLAUDIUS: What's the matter?
GENTLEMEN: Laertes and his crew are coming for you. They all yelling, "Laertes is King"
GERTRUDE: They don't know what they're doing
CLAUDIUS: Shit! They broke the doors!
LAERTES: Where's Claud at? You guys stay here.
DANES: No, we're coming with you.
LAERTES: I'm telling you to stay the **** out here!
DANES: I-ight, I-ight...
LAERTES: Claud! Where's Pelonius!?
GERTRUDE: Chill out Laertes
CLAUDIUS: What's up Laertes? Why you bringin' the ruckus to my door? What beef you got with me?
LAERTES: Where is Pelonius?
CLAUDIUS: He's dead, man.
GERTRUDE: But not by his hand.
CLAUDIUS: Shut up Gertrude. Let the man speak.
LAERTES: How did he die? I don't care what happens to me now or whenever, whoever dropped Pelonius is going down.
CLAUDIUS: Laertes, before you go preachin' revenge, wouldn't you like to know who did it?
LAERTES: I said it doesn't matter!
DANES: [within] Nah, don't go in there!
OPHELIA: [sings] Bore him to the ground. A rain of tears. How are you my brother?
LAERTES: What are you talking about? Are you on crack or somethin?
OPHELIA: Here is some rosemary for you to remember, and here is some pansies for your thoughts.
LAERTES: You're talking crazy girl! What's wrong with you?
OPHELIA: Here's some flowers for you, and some for you. I would give violets, but they all died when Pelonius went down.
LAERTES: What's up with her?
OPHELIA: [sings] He's gone, dead and gone, he's never coming back. He's gone.
LAERTES: Are you hearing what I'm hearing?
CLAUDIUS: Don't worry Laertes, you'll get your revenge for all of this.
LAERTES: I am going to bring new meaning to the word pain when I find out who did all this.
CLAUDIUS: Yes, you will. Come with me [exeaunt]

ACT IV - Scene 6 (another room in the castle)

[Enter Horatio and Servant]

HORATIO: Who wants to talk with me?
SERVANT: A couple of sea people. They got some shit for you.
HORATIO: Let them in. [enter sailors]
SAILOR: God bless you.
HORATIO: Yeah, sure, bless you too.
SAILOR: I got a letter here from that ambassador bound for England.
HORATIO: Oh, thanks man. [exeant]

POST SCRIPT
To let go of any suspense, the fates of some shall be revealed. Everybody was killed. Like some crazy domino effect, they all got dropped. Hamlet killed Laertes and Claudius. Gertrude was poisoned. Hamlet was poisoned too and Ophelia drowned in a river. So concludes the Homeboy remix of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

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- Roemello
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/THEROCK.gif" border=0> http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"Do you smell what The Roem is cookin'?"

Very interesting.... /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

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<center><IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/blaziegrl/newlgcinlogo.jpg" border=0>
<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/blaziegrl/chromerycheclr.gif" border=0></center>

~~~ 80's ROCK STARS ~~~ (http://www.fortunecity.com/tinpan/rap/1087/index.html)

Old Chinese Proverb
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Thanks...I think <IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/THEROCK.gif" border=0>

If you're wondering why I chose the ebonic style to it, at the time, I was a hip hop DJ...I wonder how I'd do it now being mostly a rock & pop guy /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

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- Roemello
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/THEROCK.gif" border=0> http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"Do you smell what The Roem is cookin'?"

I didn't get my point across sorry... It was great Roem and funny as hell /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

Look out! Now Roem's getting a big head /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

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<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/blaziegrl/chromerycheclr.gif" border=0></center>

~~~ 80's ROCK STARS ~~~ (http://www.fortunecity.com/tinpan/rap/1087/index.html)

Old Chinese Proverb
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Ok, now I can say a full THANK YA! /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif

Nah, I already got my big head off that re-make a few years ago when my professor made the mistake of grading it while the class was taking it's final....I warned him! His fault he burst out and disturbed the class! /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif That was actually tricky to do that remake too. We had to interpret Shakespear's original version word for word, then make the remake in a completely different way while keeping the meaning of the original exact AND, most importantly, it had to entertain the professor /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif

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- Roemello
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/THEROCK.gif" border=0> http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"Do you smell what The Roem is cookin'?"

LOL, it's pretty cool dude. Love it.

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Keep The Faith, These Days And Always ;)
Amy Livin
P.S.I Love BlueOmega!!!!!
http://photos.yahoo.com/livin84

Thank ya! /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif and welcome back /ubb/smilies/wink.gif

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<FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size="4">- Roemello</FONT s></FONT f>
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/mybannernew.jpg" border=0>
http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"Do you smell what The Roem is cookin'?"

Thanks Roemy *hugs*

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Keep The Faith, These Days And Always ;)
Amy Livin
P.S.I Love BlueOmega!!!!!
http://photos.yahoo.com/livin84

aaaaawww /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif At a time where my server is rendering me completely insane, that brought on the grin of the Roem /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif

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<FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size="4">- Roemello</FONT s></FONT f>
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/mybannernew.jpg" border=0>
http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"The only true knowledge exists in knowing, that you know nothing"

Glad to know I made your day /ubb/smilies/smile.gif

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Keep The Faith, These Days And Always ;)
Amy Livin
P.S.I Love BlueOmega!!!!!
http://photos.yahoo.com/livin84

Well, my server's still pissing me off by keeping me in the dark /ubb/smilies/mad.gif The only thing keeping my sanity while I'm on this is my cat /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif Although, paws stomping on my keyboard is not good /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

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<FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size="4">- Roemello</FONT s></FONT f>
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/mybannernew.jpg" border=0>
http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"The only true knowledge exists in knowing, that you know nothing"

/ubb/smilies/laugh.gif Its good... funny as hell too!

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Glam Goddess
"Hey I am an angel.<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/angel.gif" border=0>
Can't you see the halo? Its being held up by those little horns." <IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/devil.gif" border=0>
<A HREF="http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/GLAMisBACK" TARGET=_blank><u>~*~*~GLAMisBACK~*~*</u></A>
<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/pttp.gif" border=0>

Thanks babe /ubb/smilies/biggrin.gif

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<FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size="4">- Roemello</FONT s></FONT f>
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/mybannernew.jpg" border=0>
http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"The only true knowledge exists in knowing, that you know nothing"

My cat Sin (you can figure out who named her) can drive me nuts sometimes. She gets jealous of the keyboard and starts biting my hands so that I wont type. And don't even try reading a book or a magazine when she's around.

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Keep The Faith, These Days And Always ;)
Amy Livin
P.S.I Love BlueOmega!!!!!
http://photos.yahoo.com/livin84

You pic is messed up... and awwwwww you called me babe! /ubb/smilies/00blush.gif /ubb/smilies/tongue.gif

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Glam Goddess
"Hey I am an angel.<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/angel.gif" border=0>
Can't you see the halo? Its being held up by those little horns." <IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/devil.gif" border=0>
<A HREF="http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/GLAMisBACK" TARGET=_blank><u>~*~*~GLAMisBACK~*~*</u></A>
<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/pttp.gif" border=0>

Nothing less for the glam princess /ubb/smilies/wink.gif Is that a blush I see? /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

What pic are you talking about that's messed up btw?

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<FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size="4">- Roemello</FONT s></FONT f>
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/mybannernew.jpg" border=0>
http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"The only true knowledge exists in knowing, that you know nothing"

Ack, never mind... your pics weren't showing for a bit, but they're all right now!

Yeah, I'm still waiting for Sal to retitle me.. the Glam Princess Mod...

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Glam Goddess
"Hey I am an angel.<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/angel.gif" border=0>
Can't you see the halo? Its being held up by those little horns." <IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/devil.gif" border=0>
<A HREF="http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/GLAMisBACK" TARGET=_blank><u>~*~*~GLAMisBACK~*~*</u></A>
<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/pttp.gif" border=0>

Oh...well, that's nothing I can fix. If my pics go down, it's my other server (not to be confused with the one that's got me miffed right now). At least with them, it's only temporary.

If you want Sal to change your title quicker, send him a private message.

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<FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size="4">- Roemello</FONT s></FONT f>
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/mybannernew.jpg" border=0>
http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"The only true knowledge exists in knowing, that you know nothing"

I told him already... but he's in la-la-land... when he gets back on, I'll ask him to

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Glam Goddess
"Hey I am an angel.<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/angel.gif" border=0>
Can't you see the halo? Its being held up by those little horns." <IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/devil.gif" border=0>
<A HREF="http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/GLAMisBACK" TARGET=_blank><u>~*~*~GLAMisBACK~*~*</u></A>
<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/pttp.gif" border=0>