I haven't told anyone this, but...

I got a temporary IT gig where I interned. I'm working here for about two months for not too bad money, not a bad job.

I have come a long way from that suicidal, severely depressed, bedridden mess that I was a few years ago. I am trying to get used to working again, being around people, driving in traffic, etc. So far, I have been doing well. Then, I am going back to school again in the Fall for Graphic Arts, since IT is a half-dead field and I really don't want to do it for the rest of my life anyway.


I am proud of myself for getting the courage to go back out there, for trying to get out to do something every day (even if I just go pick up a gallon of milk for my sister, or just walk around someplace unfamiliar to force myself to do it), for pulling myself up out of a terrible depression, for going on with my life.

Depression never goes away, and neither do other mental illnesses. I had a big undertaking here today, and last night I woke up with such a horrible panic attack that I vomited and shook and cried. But, I got myself up out of bed at 6:00, got my ass out the door and came here and did it anyway. And I succeeded.

On the other hand, Del Leppard will be here on the 23rd and I know that I am nowhere near being able to handle that again, I am just getting used to THIS again, let alone a huge crowd like that, in a busy city, etc.

I, right now, am so mad at myself for accomplishing what I have but not being able to do anymore at the moment.

Have you ever felt all torn up like that?

Baby steps, Brandy ;) You are doing a wonderful job at getting your life back on track. Don't let yourself get discouraged. Every morning that you wake up is proof that you've survived another day & for that you owe yourself a pat on the back. Don't worry about not being able to go to the concert. You'll get there someday & when you do, all this will be just another one of life's hurdles you've gotten over.

Good luck :ghug: :rose:

Brandy, it sounds like you have come a long way :thumb: That is something to be proud of :yesnod:

Just try to take each day one step at a time and you will be alright :)

One day at a time.. :ghug: :rose:

Keep on at it Brandy! You're doing great! Don't turn back now!

hey that's great Brandy. Look at all you've achieved. You've turned your life around, you're going to work and to school, you're daring to go to different areas as you said and you are actually facing people. Those are huge achievements, not to be underestimated. Please don't worry about the concert. Think of all the other things you've achieved. You will get there. :ghug:

You have come a long way already. :clap: You can only do so much. Like PG said, baby steps. I wish you all the best. :hug:

WTG, Brandy! :thumb:

Here's a big hug going your way...

(((((((Brandy)))))))

Take it easy...you are on the right track! :rose:

You're heading in the right direction, Brandy! Keep it up! :thumb: I too know how it feels to deal with depression, for 10 years ago my will to live was almost nonexsistent, and I was so miserable I attempted to kill myself. The fact that the first thought on your mind when you wake up is not about how miserable it is to have lived to see another day is a definite sign of improvement. Getting your zest for life back will be a slow process, but unless I read your post wrong, it looks like your on the road to recovery. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.:hug:

As for Def Leppard, don't worry yourself about it so much. If you cannot face the crowds, the people, it is no big deal if you are not able to go. You've accomplished so much. Don't let this tear you up inside if you are not ready to do it.

Brandy, I am so proud that you have taken the initiative to make your life better. It's difficult, and as somebody already said, BABY STEPS. You will eventually get to where you want to be. It's a learning process as well. So, I hope you are doing well, happy and healthy and dont get TOO down on yourself if you have a minor setback from time to time. Its all a part of the process of gaining control over your life.

Hooray for you, Dawn!!! Indeed, you should be incredibly proud of all that you have accomplished. I am confident with some patience and determination, you will be able to conquer your fears and attend that Def Leppard concert! :) Just imagine the fun you will have and how grateful you will be that you went. As always, you know you have all of your friends here, supporting you, and we will always be here if you should need any help or advice!!! :clap:

It means so much to me that you are all so understanding about this, when I don't always understand it myself. I have been asked a few times by different people if I would go talk to support groups as a guest about my experiences, but sometimes something like this makes me feel like I shouldn't. I guess it feels to me like I should be ALL better, but I don't know really if everyone else out there is 100% all the time either.

I just really want to be a good example to the young ones coming up in the family so it kind of pushes me to get better (they, amongst others, or course)

I just want you all to know that if you are suffering, or if you know someone else who is suffering out there, that you can always PM me and I will try to point you in the right direction toward some help. It's the hardest thing a person will ever have to do but I am so glad I started, even though it's scary sometimes :)

I think it's wonderful that you've come as far as you have, and not given up :thumb: Having dealt with depression in my family and circle of friends and seen what it can do to a person, I think you're doing great! It takes time and effort, and eventhough it sometimes seems there are setbacks, overall it's still an improvement. So, as PG wrote, babysteps are the way forward. No matter how slow it seems - it's still forward!