I got these from the ROXX board at yahoo, some of them are funny as hell /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

TOP BUMPER STICKER'S SEEN AROUND THE WORLD

1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.

2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.

4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.

7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A
Little Better.

8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

9. Thank You For Pot Smoking.

10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.

11. If At First You Don't Succeed...Blame Someone Else And Seek
counselling.

12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.

15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The
Booger.

16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home

19. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha

20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time

22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

26. Illiterate? Write For Help

27. Honk If Anything Falls Off

28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes

29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next
Exit

30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...

38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Seen
Upside Down,On A Jeep]

40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed
For 70 mph

41. Guys No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
[Reported To Be Seen On A Restaurant]

42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like
Jabba The Hut?

43. Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold
One.

44. Ax Me About Ebonics

45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

46. Boldly Going Nowhere

47. Cats: The Other White Meat

48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!

49. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That

50. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is
Lost?

53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

55. Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

56. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.

57. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.

58. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

59. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot
them.

60. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

61. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

62. BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

63. So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.

64. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?

65. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder



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<center><IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/blaziegrl/newlgcinlogo.jpg" border=0>
<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/blaziegrl/chromerycheclr.gif" border=0></center>

~~~ 80's ROCK STARS ~~~ (http://www.fortunecity.com/tinpan/rap/1087/index.html)

Old Chinese Proverb
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

You know what's scary... I have most of these stickers, but I dont have a car! /ubb/smilies/tongue.gif /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

Another personal fave:

"I did not escape, they gave me a day pass."

"Gas: The human perfume."

"Warning: Brains and Beauty straight ahead."

"Just because I'm a girl... it doesn't mean I can't kick your ass!"

"Warning: Rock Goddess On Board"

/ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

------------------
Glam Goddess
"Hey I am an angel.<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/angel.gif" border=0>
Can't you see the halo? Its being held up by those little horns." <IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/devil.gif" border=0>
<A HREF="http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/GLAMisBACK" TARGET=_blank><u>~*~*~GLAMisBACK~*~*</u></A>
<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/pttp.gif" border=0>

/ubb/smilies/frown.gif Poor Ty. When I hit the lotto I'll buy ya a new car! It's true /ubb/smilies/smile.gif

------------------
<center><IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/blaziegrl/newlgcinlogo.jpg" border=0>
<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/blaziegrl/chromerycheclr.gif" border=0></center>

~~~ 80's ROCK STARS ~~~ (http://www.fortunecity.com/tinpan/rap/1087/index.html)

Old Chinese Proverb
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

I need to learn how to drive 1st! Ack a car in NYC, no thanks... parking is freaking expensive... plus, I luv taking the trains!

You can get me Bret Micheals in bubble wrap instead.

------------------
Glam Goddess
"Hey I am an angel.<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/angel.gif" border=0>
Can't you see the halo? Its being held up by those little horns." <IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/devil.gif" border=0>
<A HREF="http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/GLAMisBACK" TARGET=_blank><u>~*~*~GLAMisBACK~*~*</u></A>
<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/tydestra/pttp.gif" border=0>

Bumper Stickers?! Ok, I think I can add a few little nuggets of joy /ubb/smilies/laugh.gif

- Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog - Dorothy

- We're staying together for the sake of the cats.

- It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.

- My karma ran over your dogma.

- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

- This is not an abandoned vehicle.

- I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.

- Beautify Texas - Put a Yankee on a bus.

- Welcome to Texas, now go home.

- It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.

- If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.

- My wife says if I go fishing one more time,she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.

- I is a college student.

- Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.

- Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

- Eschew obfuscation.

- Will Rogers never met a lawyer.

- Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.

- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

- Don't steal - The government hates competition.

- Is there life before coffee?

- Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

- Cover me - I'm changing lanes.

- The weather is here - Wish you were beautiful.

- I Cayman went.

- My other wife is beautiful.

- I need someone really bad - Are you really bad?

- Smile - It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

- Don't laugh - Your daughter could be in this vehicle.

- Geez if you belive in honkus.

- Friends don't let friends drive naked.

- Save California; when you leave take someone with you.

- I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

- There's one in every crowd and they always find me.

- If money could talk, it would say goodbye.

- When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.

- Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats.

- If it's too loud, you're too old.

- Wink - I'll do the rest.

- The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.

- An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.

- Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

- Who cares who's on board?

- No radio - Already stolen.

- Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

- Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.

- Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities.

- Honk if you love cheeses.

- Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist.

- I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.

- So many pedestrians, so little time.

- Honk if you're illiterate

- My kid can beat up your honor student

- Fight crime, shoot back

- Guns don't kill people postal workers do.

- It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the boogers.

- It's not how you pick it, but where you flick it

- If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!

- Grow your own dope, plant a man.

- My wife's other car is a broom

- Go ahead and honk - I'm reloading

- This car is like my husband, if it ain't yours don't touch it!

- Give Blood Play Hockey

- I like cats, they taste like chicken

- Fleece on earth, good wool to ewe

------------------
<FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size="4">- Roemello</FONT s></FONT f>
<IMG SRC="http://spiffyentertainment.homestead.com/files/mybannernew.jpg" border=0>
http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"The only true knowledge exists in knowing, that you know nothing"

Sayings That Should Be On Bumper Stickers...

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
3. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
4. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
6. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
7. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
8. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
9. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
10. You! Off my planet!
11. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
12. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
13. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
14. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
15. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
16. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
17. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
18. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
19. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
20. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
22. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
23. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
24. Adults are just kids who owe money.
25. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
26. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
27. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
28. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
29. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
30. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
31. Earth is full. Go home.
32. Is it time for your medication or mine?
33. Does this condom make me look fat?
34. I plead contemporary insanity.
35. And which dwarf are you?
36. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. Meandering to a different drummer.
39. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
40. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//laugh.gif

------------------
I know what boys like, I know what guys want, I know what boys like, boys like, boys like me...

Very funny!! I'll add a few more!
1. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
2. In my youth, I yearned for a nice BMW, now I don't care about the "W"
3.If we could only switch alcohol's effect on brain cells and fat cells
4. If you don't want to wash dishes, do them bad the first time.
5. The number one cause of divorce is marriage
6. Souldn't it be spelled "Fonetic"?
7. Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep
8. Had a life, got a modem (my personal favorite)
9. Not only is there no God.. but try getting a plumber on the weekends.
10. Why do psychics have to ask your name?
11. If you can smile when things go worng, you have someone in mind to blame (that one always mekes me think of Cultleader)! http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//laugh.gif
12. Technology is not God, but it will do until one comes along
13. Thank You for making this a "work-free" environment
14. Oxymoron #41 Government Assistance
15. Oxymoron #54 Postal Service
16. Oxymoron #3 Microsoft Works
17. Oxymoron #236 Self-help Group
18. Oxymoron #103 Airline Food



------------------
ROCK AND ROLL!!!
SAL IS A FREAK!!!

Later!! Tina

Those are all great. Definitely made me think of a few people that I know. http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//laugh.gif

Jazzmyn http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//witchbroom.gif http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//vampire.gif

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Pebbles42:

18. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

</font>

ROTFL!!! http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//laugh.gif

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Pebbles42:
Sayings That Should Be On Bumper Stickers...

5. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
</font>

This one definitely belongs on my car! http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//biggrin.gif

------------------
If I'm here and your here doesn't that make it our time?

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage!

Originally posted by Pagan:
ROTFL!!! http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//laugh.gif

</font>

I wish I could have told the car salesman this last year when I was out buying a car!!! http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//hammer.gif Always disturbing when they are looking down your shirt!! http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//rolleyes.gif Had a guy checking out my behind the other day at my husband's store, my husband gave him the eye and he turned away! Hey, I'm Puerto Rican, I've got a Jennifer Lopez butt, what can I say? http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//laugh.gif

------------------
I know what boys like, I know what guys want, I know what boys like, boys like, boys like me...

<FONT COLOR="#6699cc" SIZE="1" FACE="Verdana, Arial">This message has been edited by Pebbles42 on 04-27-2001 at 11:06 AM</font>

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Pebbles42:
I've got a Jennifer Lopez butt, what can I say? http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//laugh.gif

</font>


Hmmm...so when are the pebbles photos being posted in the "Then & Now" section? http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//wink.gif

I got loads of these....I'll just throw in some of my faves (yeah right...be prepared for a flood!http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//laugh.gif ):

Jesus loves you, but I think your an asshole!

Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready.

Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS

If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range

This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

When there's a will, I want to be in it!

Tastes like chicken keep on licking. Tastes like trout get the **** out!

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Don't drink and drive.... You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

If you're not angry, you're not paying attention!

Don't like my driving? Call 1-800-****-YOU

"KEEP HONKING".... I'M RELOADING

Don't laugh, your daughter could be in here.

Sex is like air, it's only bad when your not getting any.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshit.

Constipated people don't give a shit.

Practice safe sex, go **** yourself.

If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.

If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

Please tell your pants its not polite to point.

To all you virgins thanks for nothing.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".

One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now!

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

When blondes have more fun do they know it?

I don't discriminate, I hate everyone!

Life is like a bowl of cherries, and I'm in the pits!

Can't sleep, clown will eat me; Can't sleep, clown will eat me......

Wine me, Dine me, 69 me!

If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.

Barney sucks.

Forget Subtlety... **** YOU!

Most of the time I swallow, but for asshole's like you, I spit...

If it's tourist season, Then why can't we hunt them.

Work Harder. People on Welfare Depend on You.

Hire the handicapped, they're fun to watch.

A hard on doesn't count as personal growth.

I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.

Practicing Safe Sex? Give yourself a hand!

http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//00hahaha.gif

------------------
<FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size="4">- Roemello</FONT s></FONT f>
http://spiffyentertainment.8m.com
http://roemello.80sxchange.com
"Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive."

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Pagan:

Hmmm...so when are the pebbles photos being posted in the "Then & Now" section? http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//wink.gif</font>

There is a picture of me there already! But not a side view!! http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//frown.gif


------------------
I know what boys like, I know what guys want, I know what boys like, boys like, boys like me...

You're right Peb, how could have I missed it! Hmmm...is it me, or is the 80's xchange just overrun with cute women?

And what do you look like Pagan?? http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//confused.gif

------------------
I know what boys like, I know what guys want, I know what boys like, boys like, boys like me...

My pix are in the "Then & Now" forum also Peb, but they're having trouble popping up. If you can't see them, send me a private message with your email & I'll send you one.

Love #25!!! How about these:
-Funny, you don't look stupid.
-Your village called--Their idiot is missing.
-So I'm not perfect...Adjust.
-The World's Shortest Bedtime Story--NO!
-I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
-My cow died, so I don't need your bull.
-I don't need your attitude I have one of my own.
-If you don't like my attitude, QUIT TALKING TO ME!!
-Don't take life so seriously. It's not permanent.

------------------
Yeah. And then you woke up!

A couple more I almost forgot:
-Just because I'm moody doesn't mean you're not irritating!
-I never get lost because everybody tells me where to go.
-I try to take just One Day At A Time...but lately several days have attacked me at once!

------------------
Yeah. And then you woke up!

These are all so great!!
Keep them coming!!! We could make a ton of bumper stickers!!

------------------
ROCK AND ROLL!!!
SAL IS A FREAK!!!

Later!! Tina

I have to throw some in here!

I'm not a slut! I'm just popular.
You call me a freak... as if it's a bad thing.
Spear Britney (I have this!)
The Broom is getting fixed. {Witch joke!}
Wanna play bumper cars?
Caution: Baby Driving
Pot... It does the body good.
Boys are great! Every girl should own a couple!
I did not escape... They gave me a Day Pass
Lunatics Ward: Out Patient
Recovering Sex Addict
Evil Inside
Ex NYC Taxi Driver On Board


I have a bunch more, I just can't think of anymore! http://www.80sxchange.com/ubb/smilies//laugh.gif

------------------
Life's a journey, not a destination, but I've lost the map for this world.

<A HREF="http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/GLAMisBACK" TARGET=_blank><u>~*~GLAMisBACK~*</u></A>
<A HREF="http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/PoisonPalace" TARGET=_blank><u>~*~PoisonPalace~*</u></A>

Which bumper stickers do you want..?


The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

I got a gun for my wife; best trade I ever made.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the
universe.

To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.

I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

My kid had sex with your honor student.

Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later.

I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Beer ~ The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon!

I Must Be a Proctologist Because I Work With Assholes!

I'm Out Of Bed And Dressed; What More Do You Want?

<FONT COLOR="#6699cc" SIZE="1">[ June 16, 2001 04:25 PM: Message edited by: Vilji ]</font>

LOL <img src="biggrin.gif" border="0"> My two favorites are:

The sex was so good that the neighbors had a cigarette

and

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam up my clothes

My own personal favorite isn't on your list....but it is:

IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I MEANT, YOU COULDN'T CORRECT ME.

It is funny, makes you think, and it's true!!! That's just me and my opinion, though!!

This is the one I liked:

I USED TO HAVE A HANDLE ON LIFE, BUT IT BROKE.

I loved those! LOL Most of them are T-shirts from, www.hotleathers.com (http://www.hotleathers.com) . :)

This one made me chuckle :)

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

These are all great!

I love bumperstickers! :)

Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

Honk If You Are Reloading.

Pass With Care, Driver Armed.

I Signal With My Middle Finger.

Yes, It Is My Road.

If You Want To Pass, Flash Your Lights So I Know When To Cut you Off.

This Vehicle Stops On Pedestrians.

If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.

Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.

Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service.
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

If Walking Is So Good For You, then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.

Boldly Going Nowhere.

Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.

Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That.

Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
:lol:

Hey Val, old, old list. I read it about 3 years ago.....























APRIL FOOLS!!! :lol: ;)

Some of these I've seen, some I haven't....like this one though, "Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself." :lol:

I've seen about half of those before.

Most of them were pretty funny!

Originally posted by Trixter
Hey Val, old, old list. I read it about 3 years ago.....

APRIL FOOLS!!! :lol: ;)
LMAO!!! That was pretty good, I gotta admit! The first line was the funniest, IMO! As buc said in chat, it was funny, but I've seen it somewhere before....:lol:

Jesus loves you...but everyone else
> >thinks you are an ass.
> >
> > Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No
> >hard feelings,"
> >
> > The proctologist called
> > ...they found your head.
> >
> > Everyone has a photographic memory
> > ...some just don't have any film.
> >
> > Save your breath...You'll need it to blow
> >up your date.
> >
> > Your ridiculous little
> > opinion has been noted.
> >
> > I used to have a handle
> > on life...but it broke off.
> >
> > WANTED: Meaningful
> > overnight relationship.
> >
> > Guys...just because you have one,
> > doesn't mean you have to be one.
> >
> > Some people just don't know how to
> >drive...
> > I call these people "Everybody But Me,"
> >
> > Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating
> >His animal friends.
> >
> > Don't like my driving?
> > Then quit watching me.
> >
> > If you can read this...I can
> > slam on my brakes and sue you.
> >
> > Some people are only alive because it is
> >illegal to shoot them.
> >
> > Try not to let your mind wander...It is
> >too small and fragile
> > to be out by itself.
> >
> > Hang up and drive!!
> >
> > And The Number One Bumper Sticker you'd Like To
> >See!!
> >
> > Welcome to America
> > ...now speak English

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.
:lol: My favorite one! :lol: All of them were pretty good, tho'!