Post it here, and then go get an instant review of it here:
http://www.chthonicionic.net/bile/


I chose Appetite for Destruction. Here's the review!

What do I think about Appetite for Destruction by Guns N' Roses? I don't think you are going to like this...

The opening track, Welcome To The Jungle is simply terrible. That's it, no further explanation needed. It's things like track 3, Nightrain that makes people want to kill each other. Track six, Paradise City or the stuff that the BBC Radiophonic Workshop rejected? You decide, I'm not playing it again.

The lyrics of track seven, My Michelle would make better sense written on a urinal wall - at least you could piss on them. Track 12, Rocket Queen isn't that bad. Ha ha. Got you. It's just a tiny bit worse than, say, the sound of my grandfather's aborted attempts at sex with a shrew.

In fact, I despise every second of Guns N' Roses' creation.

Brilliant site Jasper! I've got 2: Prefab Sprout : A life of Surprises and The Doors: The Soft Parade! Here's the reviews:

I've tried to wipe Prefab Sprout's A Life of Surprises: The Best of Prefab Sprout from my mind, but, for you, here's what I can remember...

When Love Breaks Down really should never be played in intelligent company if you want to retain your friends. Sound of Crying is simply terrible. That's it, no further explanation needed. It is difficult to stop yourself from throwing a brick at your CD player when tosh like track four, Faron Young comes out of it on a regular basis.

Five years of therapy and still I'm reduced to a gibbering wreck by things like Carnival 2000. Just because the whole album stinks doesn't mean you can get away with offerings like track six, Goodbye Lucille No. 1 (Johnny Johnny) - I'm still reeling from the onslaught of what sounds like the little ticking noise that maggots make as they feed. Life of Surprises reminds me of my dentist's favourite drill bits being plunged into the living tooth-pulp over and over again while he hums my grandfather's idea of a toe-tapping tune gently to himself. I wish it wouldn't.

In fact, there appears to be no reason why the world would miss Prefab Sprout.



I've tried to wipe Doors' Soft Parade from my mind, but, for you, here's what I can remember...

Why I bothered with the rest of track two, Touch Me after listening to the first eighteen seconds of my own personal hell I don't know. Track three, Shaman's Blues is like a troupe of clowns honking away in their clown car going around and around the circus ring with no hope of ever stopping, and I'm being generous there. Only a distressed partridge Doors has shut in a small cardboard box could compare to Do It.

Luckily my PC at work has no sound card. I've been happily playing Easy Ride all afternoon with no ill effects to myself. Track 6, Wild Child should have been left off this album. It's marginally better than the rest and, frankly, only draws attention to their simplistic banality. Five people died whilst track 7, Runnin' Blue was being created. I can only say that they are the lucky ones and missed out on what sounds like a drunk, urine soaked, pus stained tramp's idea of a catchy tune that people will donate all their spare change to stop hearing.

In fact, there appears to be no reason why the world would miss Doors.

My favorite album would be Appetite for Destruction as well, and I don't quite agree with the review they gave it. :lol: Interesting link, Jasper. Thanks for posting it. :thumb:

Since you already used Appetite for Destruction, I decided to use the Dazed and Confused Soundtrack.

"Like the Salvation Army's favourite marching tunes, Foghat's Slow Ride fails to engage me at all. It left me cold, shaking and gently drooling on the floor. Thank god the office cleaner found me in time. What possesses people to make music that sounds like track four, Jim Dandy by Black Oak Arkansas? The bastard lovechild of Joe Dolce and Mariah Carey? I'm not offering further opinion because I'm not listening to it again. Ever. You've probably guessed that I don't like ZZ Top very much. It's due to being assaulted by things like a retarded shrew defacating through a sieve into my ears, or track five, Tush by ZZ Top as it is known on the back of CD.

Like the sort of thing you'd play to a blind man to make them appreciate the lot of a deaf and blind man, The Runaways' Cherry Bomb is only really listenable after carefully inserting your fists into your ears. Don't worry about getting them out again - there's more on this album you'll want to not hear too. Lynyrd Skynyrd will strike fear into your heart with possibly the worst song on a bad album, the appalling track 11, Tuesday's Gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd. It sounds like the stuff that the BBC Radiophonic Workshop rejected.

In fact, there's no excuse for people buying this and taking it into their homes to tortute their innocent children."

Very funny! :laugh:

Our Music correspondent writes...

You like Tool? Oh dear. You're not going to like what I thought of Lateralus...

The Grudge sounds like a boil on backside of a Eurovision reject. Eon Blue Apocalypse sounds more like the dopplered euro-pap that you hear late on a Saturday night in the suburbs blaring from a jumped up Ford Fiesta than it really should. Luckily a glitch on the CD caused track 4, Mantra to skip and refuse to play. Well, at least I hope that is what was happening - for all I know that was what Tool intended it to sound like.

How many times does Tool need to tell us all about their miserable ****ing life? Track ten, Disposition just reeks of teenage bedroom poetry and should have stayed there. Only something my cat brought in, but couldn't be bothered to kill could compare to Triad.

In fact, there's no excuse for people buying this and taking it into their homes to tortute their innocent children.