ok say someone did some things in their past.......but, they seemed totally changed now. And truly regret everything they did, do you think people really can change? or is it just an illusion? Should I hold the past against them forever and not be with them? :confused:

I believe everyone can change. I also believe in giving most people one or two chances to change whatever the problem is. Always be on guard though.

Yes, I think people can most definitely change...I'm living proof of that. If everyone held my past against me...damn...couldn't imagine how sucky that would be :eek: :eek:

Like Stacy said though...keep your guard up. Not everyone who says they've changed truly do. People can change for the better, but the worse never leaves...just more or less lies dormant.

Point of the story...trust to an extent, but always watch your back :cool:

I think it depends, someone can regret an action and not do it again, however to change a personality is very different and can only be changed for the short term, in the long run they will inherently go back to their own distinct personality

I believe people can change also. Some people have made stupid mistakes that they regret in later life. They have to grow-up a little before they realize what they'd done wrong in the past.

Ultimately, it comes down to the persons character and what you think about that person by how well you know them.

What they all said! :p

Bad luck ! ;)

Ted did you ever hear the saying " a leopard can't change it's spots" :)

Can you teach an old dog new tricks? :D

I think it depends on the person and what happened in the past. Things never truly go away, but they can regret them. I think you should give them a chance, but be watchful too. :) Hope this helps.

Well here's the deal...........


She was raped (alot) and that screwed her up................so for a few years she slept around.............and after each time she'd pray to God and ask him for forgivness and cry.............she just couldn't help it. (she claims) Then the summer of 2000 she completely turned her life around. She never EVER did drugs or anything, just sex. She's a new person now. (so it seems) And I do think I should give her a chance.........she's never hurt anyone, they only hurt her. :( Did I mention she has a heart of gold? I'm just nervious that all the bad things that happened might catch up to her.......A shrink could help.......

I don't mean this in a crappy way Ted, but maybe you should understand and let go of the past as much as she should?

Do you really think the past will catch up to her Ted or are you the one that's nervous?

:)

Originally posted by Bogie
I don't mean this in a crappy way Ted, but maybe you should understand and let go of the past as much as she should?

Do you really think the past will catch up to her Ted or are you the one that's nervous?

:)

Your 100% right, Bogie..........I realized this an hour ago, when I talked to her..........She was crying..........telling me alot..........I know she'd never go back to her old stuff.......at least now I know, hearing her in tears telling me how she would never go back..........I just love her so much that I worry......but now I truly know she's not as messed up as I thought! :):):) After hanging up from her I felt like exploding! :D

Excellent news Ted. :) Relax. Don't fret. Think clearly. You'll both be very happy. Usually. lol

Ted, it's a very good sign that she is willing to share her past honestly with you instead of trying to hide what she's been through and done. It means she trusts you and I'd say really wants your love and support to help her not turn back to her old ways. You obviously love her so being there is the best thing you can do. This relationship may face a lot more challenges than most, but I think you'll be really good for her.;)

Originally posted by abcmcd
This relationship may face a lot more challenges than most, but I think you'll be really good for her.;)

Being able to talk about everything with her helps alot. We even have a rule, we don't go to bed till a problem or fight is fixed. :) And since she's so honest I know right away what's wrong and we solve it. Also the fact that she's so willing and eager to solve the problem helps too. Reading everyone's thoughts on this gotme through a very rough time in my life...Thanks again. :)

Sounds like she trusts you enough to open her heart, and let you in on her past, but thats what it is, her past. By sharing it with you, maybe thats her way of trying to let go. Now the two of you can go on. Cant change the past, but you can change the future. Good luck!!:p

Dude, if my past was being constantly held against me by those lives I moved in and out of in my past, I would be in a living hell! :devil: Only you can make the call Teddy and go with your gut on this one and not your heart.

I am just talking from my experience. I have changed from the person I use to be. But sometimes that person comes creeping back.
You just have to watch and becareful.
ONe thing I have learned .. you can't change a man!!!

Originally posted by Milani
comes creeping back.


She really is changed in so many ways but, her selfasteem issues come back some times..........it hurts to see her like that. :( It's like a pit she's climbed out of and just when she feels good about herself she falls back in.


She never was a bad person, she just let everyone walk on her. And do things to her. :( She tells me I gave her a new life.......a new strengh. I see it in her eyes and in the way she says things, that it's all true. :)


No matter what happened with her in the past I can forgive it all because I truly beleive she has a heart of gold. That's all that matters to me.

The fact she's been with so many people bothers me alot............I know none of it got serious but, still..........Should it be bothering me? Somtimes it doesn't........just when somthing reminds of it, it does. I know I am her first love though.........the only one who ever cared at all..........I'm just..........I don't know...........I just hate the fact she's been through so many people.......but I know for a fact she's 100% loyal to me. She would never bite the only hand that ever fed her. I just love her so much it HURTS SO BAD to think she's been through all that. :( It seems the more I love, the more it hurts...........but talking to her makes me feel better and always makes me happy. :)

No, just doing the usual checking stuffs. My spiritual advisor is indeed smart, my bro's problems find answers, everything is fine ! checking done ! I'll just tell ya that, ( not only is it cheesy, but it's been said before ! ) But seeing how much ya care ya will only find solutions cause if ya wonder so much, ya will always find an answer ! Ya're Ted ya're worth it ( Loreal ) !

TGND " flu is bringing me down, I'm a shipwreck, but what the heck, it's for Ted ! "

I was friends with Danny for about a year before we began dating. He was my best friend so he knew about all about my boyfriends. At the time he didn't judge me and he was always there when one of them would break my heart.
Later we started dating; he said he didn't care about all of the relationships i was in.
But later he always brought them up and that hurt me. I tried to show him that i changed that i wasn't the same "whore" but he kept bringing up the past. If you bring up the past how can you go on with your future?

If it bothers you that much , then find someone who meets your standards. If you are going to stay with her, then don't bring it up to her. The past is meant to stay in the past.

I never let Danny believe I was an angel:angel: He knew the way I was... but yet it ate him inside. That was just one reason why we broke up.

Great point, Milani.. Ted, although your intentions are good now and you are thinking that you would never do anything to hurt her.. remember that in situations where things get tough and not so peachy.. bringing that up to her would be very unfair... and most men, although their intentions are good, can't help but bring it up...

Keep it in the past if you decide to go further with this girl... or don't bother with her.. you don't want to be anything like any of those men who hurt her in the past.

Good points, both of you. The last week I've realized some things, and thought alot.

Last week somthing so special happened, I was real quiet on the phone, and she asked me why I seemed so sad.......so I told her that it was because of her past.........it killed her becuase she couldn't change anything about it and she told me she would change it all if she could. She was crying telling me she's sorry, then......she sang me that Bryan Adams song...."please forgive me" (I think?) Well somthing about her voice and the stars (I was outside) that just melted me, I all of a sudden let go of the past, a weight was lifted from my heart. Right there I was smitten, I never felt so good before letting it all go. Finally feeling just love, no regrets.......Then we talked for 3 hours (:eek: ) and worked out my problems. I feel so refreshed I can't desrcibe it.

Also, I'm her only friend in the world, she hasn't told anyone else about her past, she opened up to me, she trusts me. She's my truest friend in the world also, I can always depend on her. As I've said before, "She hasn't hurt anyone, they just hurt her". So I know she won't hurt me.

I would never ever in my life hurt her. I swear (only if she wanted me to :naughty: ). lol :D

She's the only person that "gets me" and after tonight, spending almost 4 hours on the phone with her I can honestly say I love her and I do belive she loves me. She says I set her on fire and no one ever treated her like I do. She says I treat her like a queen. Which I do because she deserves it. :) Being happy is all that counts and she makes me wanna explode! I swear I never felt so good.

Have you ever heard someone say they love you as they cry? It's so beautiful, I heard it tonight. It melted me even though I was out in the snow storm for 3 1/2 hours. :) Some people just connect...........that's us! :):):)

And closing........I just wanna say Thank you, if someday we're married we'll have you all to thank, you guys helped me alot believe it or not. In so many more ways than you know. :)

AWWWWW....!! I am so happy for you Ted! ;) (you didn't read that) :p

WOW Ted,
I am so glad that it is going great with you two. I wish you the best.. but dude!! Don't talk about marriage right now.. don't freak me out like that. You are to young to think that far ahead okay? I was married at your age and even though I love my kids and their father with all my heart I would have waited. At that age you are not mature enough for marriage. Okay enough of the motherly lecture.

I am happy for you though.
Make each other happy.

I am glad you let the past go.

Originally posted by Milani

I am glad you let the past go.

It wasn't easy but, I did. With her help of course. I'm still on a rush from last night. lol :D:D:D

As for the word "Marriage" That word sends a chill down my spine! The idea of being forever bound to someone is a scarey thought. lol Although I could spend every waking moment with her. I would never make the same mistake some people have made, my parents waited a long time before getting married or even having kids and thats what I plan on doing.

I agree, Ted....take your time on marriage!

I am 33 years old. I was engaged at 18 years old, and called off the wedding at 19. (Of course, it didn't help that I found Mr. 11/2 incher in bed schtupping my maid of honor!! Yes, I caught them!) I am glad that I waited. It makes everything that I have gone through in my life that much better. With all of the bad that I have been through, and it was almost TOO MUCH for me to bear, I still wouldn't change a moment, because it's made me who I am right this very moment.

If you are still together at 20....25......that would be great. Wait until you are through college and at least able to reach some of your combined dreams before getting married. My baby brother is getting married in June of this year. He is 23, she is 22. They are beyond immature. YOU are way more mature than both of them. I am deadly opposed to this marriage, but because I love Mikey so much, I am keeping my opinionate mouth shut. BUT, if anyone other than a family member was doing this, I would sit down with them.

I think I lost track of the subject.

Oh yeah.

I am very happy for you to have found such a sweetheart. YOU are a sweetheart and deserve someone who loves you for who you are. So, in turn, love HER for who SHE is. Right now. Who you both are right now is thanks to your pasts.....not a cause for bad feelings, if you ask me.

Just my humble old opinion.

{{{HUGS}}} Ted!!!!

Originally posted by dancingdoll86

not a cause for bad feelings, if you ask me.



Absolutely right, that's one of the many things I realized this week. :) There's too many good things about her that over shadow the bad things of her past. :)

My g/f over heard her mother talking on the phone. She heard her say that her mother and her friend are planning to take her up here this summer! :D:D:D I'm so happy! I can't wait!!!!!!!!!! :):):) It's finally gonna happen. :D

Ted, take it from someone who has been sexually abused and raped in her past--it's difficult to live with and nobody ever really gets over it, but with help-I mean serious professional help--a person can learn to cope with the feelings and overcome them to lead a healthy and relatively happy life. I did not act out in the way that this young lady has but everyone is different.

DON'T make the mistake of thinking you are the one who can change her--she needs to do that herself, and she needs help to do it , you can be a friend but you aren't a therapist.

Remember too that she isn't a bad person really, she's messed up. Be patient, expect setbacks and expect that she may do things you don't like sometimes while she tries to heal.

Be involved as a friend but as a firm friend--anytime she asks for help, or for someone to listen, be there but suggest she gets help. She needs it. Rape is a horrible thing that I have to overcome every day. I know how she feels.

I never thought of changing her, she's perfect already. She changed a while back before she met me. She's so strong! I can't beleive the things she's over come! You have no idea how much she has put up with and how much pain people have put her through and she isn't resentful at all, no hate in her heart at all. She just loves and loves and never hurts anyone because she knows what it feels like to be hurt. I never in my life saw someone with so much life in them, she's truly happy! When I first met her I was afriad of her being messed up and stuff because of her past but, she really isn't at all. She might be a little over sensitive but, that's ok. She also is cleared headed.......expericing all that bad stuff and seeing how people can be so mean has really given her a clear view about the world and what not to do and stuff. She's the only person I know in real life that I can relate to like that, she's life smart like me.

Also, having been through so much Hell has made her so willing to give of herself to others and be nice and want to give her kids what she didn't get. She's the most special person in the world to me and I couldn't see myself loving anyone else. I Don't think anyone could ever comprhend how close we are, how unbelievably in eachothers heads sort of speach, she understands me and I understand her, it's the perfect rleationship and we work out problems so quickly!

She might not ever forget her past but, she is absolutly over it.

I can relate man.

My father is a Veitnam veteran. He was in those hellish jungles for four years before they let him come back with three purple hearts, a Distinguished Service Cross, and a Metal of Honor. All that means nothing to him. He just remembers the field and the way he was treated by "hippies" when he returned. My mother say it took him twenty years to get over the war.

My father changed. Its easy to see how your friend could have changed. People can change, for the better.:)

I hope she is happy with her new found relief. :)

Originally posted by M-4

I hope she is happy with her new found relief. :)

We both are like you wouldn't believe! :D


That's cool about your father fighting in a war, I always had a fasination with war veterans, very respectable people.

Originally posted by Ted Nugent

That's cool about your father fighting in a war, I always had a fasination with war veterans, very respectable people.

Yeah, he may not break down into tears every ten minutes anymore, but he won't talk about the war.

On my dad's side there is like a dynasty of soldiers. Its kind of wierd...time for that to end though - I aint joinin' no military.

Originally posted by M-4


I aint joinin' no military.

I know I'm gonna get yelled or razzed on for this but, I wouldn't fight for a country I don't believe is worth fighting for, so that's the only reason I wouldn't join the US army. I hope everyone understands I just hate the government how it is now and I am a true patriot in the sense I still hold dear the basic principles this country was founded on, I just hate what the dirt bags changed and perverted.

Originally posted by Ted Nugent


I know I'm gonna get yelled or razzed on for this but, I wouldn't fight for a country I don't believe is worth fighting for, so that's the only reason I wouldn't join the US army. I hope everyone understands I just hate the government how it is now and I am a true patriot in the sense I still hold dear the basic principles this country was founded on, I just hate what the dirt bags changed and perverted.

I have to agree. I'd rather join the Isreali Army right now.

RIGHT NOW though.

Now that there is someone in office without an Anti-American agenda, things are becoming what they should be like slowly but surley.

But even when the US finally recollects herself, I still wouldn't join the army. Not worth getting shot at by "angry" Muslims or Africans or whatever. Unless we are invaded, then I'd gladly take take arms.

Originally posted by M-4

Unless we were invaded, then I'd gladly take take arms.

Same here but, I think I can do enough damage to the opposition with all my weapons I have in my house. :D I collect weapons. :)

Originally posted by Ted Nugent


Same here but, I think I can do enough damage to the opposition with all my weapons I have in my house. :D I collect weapons. :)

Heh...

I dunno what kinda guns you got, but I'd just take some of my Uncle's(one of 'em is a major gun nut) guns like friggin' Soviet AKs and shizz.:D Heh...die commies die.....:goofy:

Ted, it sounds like she's changed and is willing to move on. My advice to you would be to help her deal with a troubled past and I'm sure she would be very grateful to you for understanding. It also sounds like you care about her a lot so go for it.

Originally posted by Christine
It also sounds like you care about her a lot

That's an understatment! :D Thanks for the support. :) You have no idea what a releif it was to let go of her past. I feel a million times better. :)

Ted, I'm glad things worked out for the two of you. Hope this is not a too personal question, but how old are you? Just because someone mentioned you being too young for marriage. Well, I wish you and your girlfriend all the best. ;)

I'm 15. I just don't act like it. :D (most of the time lol)

Originally posted by Ted Nugent
I'm 15. I just don't act like it. :D (most of the time lol)
You think? :p