I need to blow off a little steam.First I need to say something.I would never want to use this board as a forum to air my laundry or hitting you guys with my life story or what's going wrong with it.You guys have own lives,problems and deliemas and you don't need to hear about mine.But as I said i need to get this out of me.

As some of you may or may not know,I am moving to pittsburgh.In fact,I'm there right now.I'll be away the last week of this month and the next time you hear from me,I will be speaking to you for the first time from my own apartment.

My father and I(Mom died in 2000) are coming here because of my grandmother's deterorating mental condtion.It has been confirmed to us that she has dementia,quite possibly altzhimers.With that said,at the risk of getting flamed i have to say something that any normal person would find shocking and that is sick or not,well or not.My grandmother is a sorry,critical witch of a woman and frankly right now she is low on my totem pole.

When you read this next part,You are gonna read and say well PTB that's part of her disease.That maybe the case.Yes she is eighty seven and yes she has lived alone for thirty plus years but she is also a woman who takes pride in being a wannabe snob.When I went to meet the lady i will be living next too.Her response was "Oh,I don't want to talk to her." This woman will turn up her nose that she thinks is beneth her.Inculding one of her own sons(I'll let you guess which one) more on that in a minute.

She's rude,she won't talk to the minister at church.She's so tight she squeaks and goes out and plays bridge and tries to fancy herself as some sort soiciety dame.BELIVE ME,she's not.
She is just an average girl from west virgina if she's lucky.By the way,this behavior began when she truly was in her right mind.

My problem with her began around christmas of 2001 when dad and i came here to vist her.Almost from the momment i got her,she didn't like anything i did.She didn't like the fact i had/wanted some frozen food.She didn't like the fact that i had/wanted a fan in the guest room because the stupid cow kept the house a freakin thousand degrees.Everything I did was wrong,she didn't like the way i made the bed.She decided i needed training.I would find out later that she did the same thing to my cousin kim when she came to vist as a kid.It is why,kim stopped coming to vist.I thank GOD i never agreed to go when my father tried to get me to go when i was young.

He and my late uncle tried to tell me it was because of her age.But my dad also admnitted that doing this was a sport to her.She loved to pick,It was fun.I think she's more full of shhhhhhhhhhhhh,sorry than vince russo.No one likes someone like that but does she care.NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Anyway,Dad and I almost left two days before that christmas because she said I wasn't good enough.We stayed because the car didn't start.She cried and begged and once we stayed-she went about her own merry way.We have returned four times since then.One time inculding an incident where she accused me of stealing and I(sigh) took a swing at her.

I'm gonna have to stop here because it's five am.But regardless of what you may think of me after reading this.I'd like to add more later in the thread.

Guys,

I'm not gonna lie to you.

I'm a slacker and bum.I'm 26 years old,probably going on fifteen.I'm disabled due to a chemical imbalance.I'm a virgin and will probably die that way.I have pipe dreams that will never come true.

I spent two years of my life being verbally and emotionally abused by not only kids at school but by my very own father.I will elobrate more on that later in the thread but what things have come down too is that I don't even want to talk to her and my father is at the point to where he's come close to a heart attack.I get upset when he's like that way and get angry at her but that just upsets him worse.He's been at the point of tears.He has also cursed her,had her by the throat(only to try and reason with her) and has come close to striking her.

More to come........


A Childish Jerk,

Polethebear

Hey nothing wrong with letting off a bit of steam, I'm sure someone here will have some good words of encouragement for you.

I've got a relative a little like that. She didn't have an illness and fortunately I don't have to have anything to do with her any more. I guess it's a pretty tough position to be in, having to rely on your Dad for a lot of things.

I wish I had some advice for you, but hang in there Pole. She won't be around forever.

Polethebear, Let me say, There is noting that concerns you that you should feel embarrassed about. ;) It took a lot of guts to say what all you did. I think most have one relative like your g-ma. People like that you can not change.

My g-ma had accused me of stealing. I did not do it (it was a small garbage can of all things) I told her I did not but she still did not believe me. I gave it no more thought. That is how she is. I never had the grandparents that you see on TV or hear about. I put it aside and now concentrate on things that really matter.

My opinion, you can either keep her in your life and remember you can't change her and that she is probabey more unhappy inside then she lets on or you can cut her out of your life.

Sometimes it is best to cut those who bring you down out of your life. No matter if they are related or not. I did so with my father. I still respect him but he made his choices and I will not go out of my way to include him. Maybe that is harsh but for me that is my decision.

Finally, be proud of who you are!!! You were put on this earth for a reason. You may not know now, or ever but sooner or later you will make a difference. Because you do not fit into the typical mold of what a man should be does not make you less important. You matter!

You had an unfortunate childhood and I hope as an adult you can overcome it. ;) I wish all the best for you! PM me if you want to chat. I don't really scratch.(just Ted) :lol:

Hope to see you posting. This is one message board that you can feel welcome at. :)

Gosh..I hope I make sense. I am not good with words. :o

Polethebear!! I agree so far with the comments made by Recker and Topcat!

Like you.. my grandmother has her hangups.. I'm super close to her now (even though she lives in Florida and I live in Illinois) I see her once a year... and that's plenty for me :lol: She's much nicer now, but like you and Topcat.. my Grandmother was never the type you hear about that makes you cookies and that crap.
She has her moments of being stingy, vindictive, even to the point of FAKING illnesses so that we would feel sorry for her (For instance, last summer, she walked with a walker very unsteadily when we were around.. but if she got up in the middle of the night for something, she'd waltz around the house like she had the best set of legs ever.. plus she had a stroke a while back where she had to learn to talk all over again.. when it's something she REALLY wants you to hear, she speaks perfectly, but when she is wanting attention, she'll stutter and trip over her words).
Those things really used to bug me... but as she's getting older, I worry about her more so I look past them.. especially since I don't see her often anymore.

I think that if you feel like salvaging the relationship a little before she is gone.. you could try to be the bigger person and say, "Hey.. I know we don't always agree, but I'm your Grandson, suck it up, Grandma and pretend that you give a shit about me before you die".. and if that doesn't work, or you feel no reason to salvage it, then, as Topcat said.. you'll just have to put your mind at ease and forget it.

And quit being a bum! :lol:

Well said, everyone. You're getting good advice here, Polethebear! Hang in there. :thumb:

Hang in there Pole! I have and Uncle who is the spawn of Satan. On many occasions he has said things to My Mother and I that should have never come out of anyones mouth. He once told My mom that he wished she had Died instead of my Dad. Words hurt, but time heals. My Nana had Dementia. It was rough. So hold on it's gonna be tough.

Find something to do while you are at her house. Something far away. ;) Good luck!!

I know where you are coming from PTB...

I was raised by my paternal grandparents. My grandfather was an undiagnosed, untreated paranoid schizophrenic - he finally sought treatment when I was about 20.

Even now, I can't be around him. My own mental health begins to suffer. Sometimes you have to make a choice - it's you or them. I cut myself off from my grandparents because it was the healthy thing for me!

Many people will judge you harshly for making that decision. My mother-in-law thinks that I am a horrible person for treating my family this way. But she hasn't been in my shoes.

You have to decide what is best for you - what will make you happy and allow you to live your life? You're not a bum - you've just been dealing with a lot of emotional baggage that you didn't pack!

She sounds a lot like my egg donor, PTB. I won't go into my situation, except to say that TC is right. Sometimes you need to cut these people out of your life.

PTB, family is the only people in your life you cant CHOOSE to have included. They are thrust upon you. Either relax a little and take it for what it is worth, or cut all ties and move on. Either way, dont feel bad, we cant all have Ward and June Cleaver for parents or grandparents. Just make due as best you can and dont let it get you down.

Wow, this is a tuff one. First let me say I have a grandma who has serious mental problems. There are no easy answers. If your grandmother has alzheimers there will be no reasoning with her. If there wasn't any reasoning on her best day, there certainly won't be any now. I don't mean to sound like a downer but alzheimers is a very cruel disease. It is cruel to the person who has it and to all their loved ones(or ones they annoy:p). If you think you were frustrated with her before this might enhance those feelings. I think the first thing you and/or your father might want to think about is sitting down with her Dr. and discussing your history with her and her medical problems. Discuss the options. Tell him honestly that neither of you feel you are in a postion to care for her and ask about options. If I read correctly there has been physical abuse as well. Please be very careful with this one. Elder abuse...especially in terminally ill is very serious. If you feel up to it look into free counseling. There is a lot available. Ask the Dr. about counseling as well. I know you're in a really hard position. If you search and ask questions you may find another option that is condusive to all of you. I'll keep you in my thoughts. I know this is hard!

Hang in there PTB, you should never be ashamed of your felings, they are real.