I know I haven't been active on the boards for a while, but I'm sure some of you still vaguely remember me...

Due to some personal problems, I'm needing some time to think about the way my life is headed...and where it isn't...

I used to drop in and keep track of the forum, and every now and then post a message, but now I'm stopping reading them. I just cant handle the crap i read sometimes... (no offense, I am just REALLY depressed right now...)
I might be in the chat every now and then, but i doubt i'll stay long...

I really need time to sort things out... my head is a mess right now and I dont know what I might do if I keep going along the same paths i've been treading.
I had planned to kill myself about a week ago...the only thing that stopped me was that I was still a virgin (yeah, laugh it up guys...) and I hadn't experienced a joy in life. If I had of paid for sex like I was thinking of doing a few weeks ago, I would certainly not be here now posting this message.
Those plans are still on the backburner until i sort things out and things start getting better. If they dont, well, this may be the last you'll hear of me.

It's been nice knowing you guys and gals (especially you Milani ;)) hehe.
You've all helped me through a few rough times, but this is the worst I've been through and no one can help me through it....perhaps not even myself.

I'll let you guys know of the outcome in a few weeks or months. Or at least I will if I can.

A few of you have no doubt seen this coming, but I was hoping I could get better before it did...unfortunately I haven't.

Well, it sure has been fun the few times I've been around, but 'all we are is dust in the wind' as they say.

This is Chris aka Zacros aka Oz signing off for perhaps the last time......Ciao.

I really hope you can sort things out. Suicide is definitely not the answer. I've been to that point a few times in my life, but fought my way out of it. You might want to go see a doctor for your depression. I'm on meds for mine and it's a big help. Don't think I would have gotten through the past week if I didn't have that extra help. I really hope you'll come back when you're feeling up to it.

Zacrs, you may not see it now but you are more important to people than you think. ;) PLEASE do not ever go the route of suicide. :(

I wish you all the best. If only there was a magical word to say that would make you feel better... :rose: :*

I'll refrain from posting my thoughts on this thread, as they might seem a li'l harsh or inproper by the majority of the members here ... Lemme just say this Zacros. Suicide is never a solution, you should try and spot the open doors from where you are in your life, instead of the closed ones.

Read my PM bud...

Alright, so I don't know ya all that well. But don't make yourself keel over. Death is not meant to be done that way.

Chris, I hope that you can sort things out in your life. I pray that you do not think of suicide ever again. We have been touched by this tragedy more than once on the Xchange, so please, please, seek help or counseling if you are still having suicidal thoughts. I can understand why you would not want to be exposed to the occasional negativity on the boards. By all means, take a break from here. Just because we have not met you personally doesn't mean that we do not care about your well being. We are an international family here and as such, we have a skirmish or a fight every now and again. That in no way means that we don't care or are apathetic about our members' lives in the real world. So, I implore you to seek help. It's out there, somewhere. Please, keep us posted..

He what`s up man? This is crazy.....
-Use your power and the pleasure for representing your entertainment.
It won`t take much to have a good time.
-You say you see the bad things in life, stand up and fight for the good things!
You are worth of it.
And if these good things are even small, you`ll see that you are not alone with
your surviving game.
-It`s finally you and your decision and it is you and your life.
Go through the blue it like many others before (be sure).
Free yourself from these thoughts,and you will have a good time

suicide is final decision
you will never have a good downhill after your climbing up.

Pleas seek help Zacros! Suicide is not the answer for you or your loved ones. Please talk to anybody about this. A family memebr, a friend just please dont contimplate suicide. I am so sorry to hear what you are going thru. I really hope you will seek help.

Zacros... Dude! Of course we remember you! That handsome mug of yours in your avitar! *Tinajo is whistling at you* ;)

Just think of all the things in life that you will have missed out on if you take the final step in your life and end it..
You may feel lonely now, but I promise you, there is someone out there for you who will depend on you as much as you depend on them...

The future could hold so many good things like a wife, house, family... take a vacation, do something fun! Get your mind off of the negative things... I know all of these words of advice from everyone seem unreachable in your mind right now... but just take it under consideration!! You owe yourself that much!
Seeing a doctor can be very theraputic as well, sweety!

Please respond to these posts.. we are all your friends and want to know how you are doing! Okay?

Try and see the good in life Zacros, I know that sounds cliche, but it is the truth. The world and your life is only as messed up as your head allows it to be. Try some relaxation courses, and you definately need a lot more positive thinking.

Life is worth living, and suicide is never the answer. If you can, you should also seek proffesional help, or check into a hospital under a suicide watch. I hope you get better my friend.

Zacros....suicide is not the answer. It will solve nothing. Try to realize that life is what you make of it. Someone very wise once said that when life deals you lemons, make lemonade.

Find someone professional to talk to. It may make the difference.

Zacros, I just wish to say, as everyone else has, that we all like you, and suicide is not a way out. If you're feeling bad, sing, write, beat the living crap out of a pillow...just don't kill yourself.

We all love you.

Sincerely,

John "outofplacechild" Kilduff

Zacros.. I want you to know that I have always tried to talk you out of it. There has been some times where you have told me the same thing and you just needed someone to chat with. Know this.. i will always be with you!!! :* You are a great friend! I wish you the best baby!

What in the...? Zacros, suicide is not the solution to your problems. You got friends and family that love ya, and you have us here. You just need to remember what makes you very happy, as goofy as it may be, or as small as it may be and latch on to it. Cause no matter how things screwed up, you can always try again til you get it right; can't do that if you're not here. Good luck and Blessed Be... if you need someone to talk too... I'm here ;)

hope i can catch you in chat soon mate...there i can offer you words of advice....

UPDATE

Last night was pretty bad for me... everything bad just seemed to happen to me that day, or the previous day. Add to that, the fact that the drugs I'm taking to help my depression ran out (and I allowed them to, because I was slowly trying to phase it out because i seemed a lot better...apparently not that better though...), things just got too much for me to handle... I needed to talk and fortunately a very good friend was online.
Chatting to him helped an enourmous amount. Without him I would have cried myself to sleep yet again...and I couldn't stand it if I did. So if you read this buddy, you have my heartfelt thanks and gratitude for being there yet again, and putting up with my crap yet again. I don't know how you can put up with me sometimes.... I can barely put up with myself sometimes...
I want to thank all you guys on here. You really seem like an extended family at times...I'm grateful I was shown these boards by a friend or else I may be worse off than I am now.
To everyone who send me a PM, and posted here, THANKYOU!
To the people who chatted to me in the chatroom when I was feeling down, THANKYOU!
and especially to the one beautiful woman who made me smile, even when things seemed to be at their worst, THANKYOU!!!
I owe you all so much for putting up with me, and helping me through this, even if it is just one step on a long journey.
I'll let you guys know if anything changes, for bad or good.

and once again, THANKYOU!!!

-Chris

I'm just happy to know that you are feeling a bit better, Chris. I'm glad that some of us here were able to help you in our own small way. Just remember, if you ever have those feelings again, you have friends here that do care about you and your well being. I'll keep my travel agent on call in case I have to book a flight to Australia for myself and some fellow Xchangers to check up on you!!! ;)

WHEW! You are back! And look at all the replies you got so far!

I am a relatively new member here and the one thing about this forum which still surprises me is how friendly the people are!

Even with the messages made by new memebers who say hello, they get about 20 responses! On other boards, you get maybe 4 if you're lucky and a few negative replies.

So this forum, for sure, has a lot of great people you can always talk to.

And, beleive it or not, no problem is stupid, laughable, or trivial. And, as Billy Joel sang, "we're only human, ooo! ooo!" :)

Zacros... I have been there, done that. A saying I heard years ago that is so true... suicide is a permanate soution to a temporary problem. It doesn't solve a damn thing. About 7 years ago when my ex was still pregnant (daughter is now 8), I came super close to killing myself because of the extreme depression she put me through. My dad talked me out of it. Of course at the time she didn't really care. I'm glad I didn't do it though.

Life changes. Sure you get stuck in the gutter for days, weeks, or perhaps months. We've all been there.

About a month ago I went through some extreme stress. I was thinking about suicide myself, but not real heavily. I'm not real happy at my job (don't love it, don't hate it), the office is going to be moving 30 miles away and I won't commute again, my truck won't pass DEQ (emissions) and I desperately needed another vehicle, I needed to look for a new apartment, my boss and g/f were always yelling at me and I was just getting god damn sick and tired of life.

I finally blew up and just spoke my mind. My boss and my g/f had no idea they were stressing me out so much. Both of them backed off. I have found a new place to live, and last week I finally bought the truck I had been wanting.

Now things won't always come together this quickly, but something my dad taught me was to break down all of your problems and deal with them one at a time.

Perhaps you have stress at work, home, relationships, and so forth. Don't take it on all at once. Deal with each one separately. If you break them down and take each one at a time, the problems aren't nearly as bad.

As for the virginity thing, that's a tough call. The problem I had in high school is that mostly only the jocks had the cute chicks. Now they all claimed they were banging them daily, but truth be told, they were a bunch of liars. I always wanted it too before I actually got any, but thats just not something you want to rush.

When the time is right, you will know it. Anybody who looks down on you for not having sex has a serious problem. Some people want to wait. There's nothing wrong with that.

I can also tell you that most people who get sex all the time don't talk about it and generally those who brag about the 40 times they got it last night are lying. If you are around friends or anybody who really brags about it, chances are they are lying. Don't feel bad about your position. There's no shame in it.

As for the paying for sex, I wouldn't recommend it. (No I have never had a hooker) The deal is, you don't really know her, she only wants $$, and she sure as hell doesn't love you. It just ain't worth it.

Just hang around. You really never know when it will happen.

Take your time, go out and socialize. They aren't going to come to your door. Just go out and be yourself. You might just hook up! When I used to get REALLY depressed years ago, my dad told me to go to any store and just look around. It sounds simple, but it does work. Check out the clothes, books, hell I even looked at the toys! This will help get your mind off some of your problems.

Stress is a killer. We can't get rid of it, but we can learn to live with it.

Chris,
I am quite new here, and I haven't had the opportunity to meet you yet, but I was worried about you when I read your post.
I'm laid off from work right now, so I am pretty much available any time, so if you need to talk, PLEASE let me know, and I'll be around.
Take care, and hope to talk with you sometime soon.

I am so relieved that you are feeling better Chris :)
I'm so glad we were all able to help you at the Xchange, :) Please give Ben a big Hug for me too, I'm so glad he was online and we're able to talk to you, I'm glad I was able to help :rose: Thank you for coming to chat when I asked you to :)

Always remember that we are your friends and we are always here for you if and when you need to talk :love: I know everyone feels the same way too :)

Chris know I am just a pm away. Things will get better for you just be patient.

Good to see that you are doing better, Chris. Thank you for the chat this morning. You made me laugh. Thanks. :* :)

Chris, I have to have that avatar to look at! *drool*

Don't you dare disappear! :tsk:

:ghug: :*

Zacros... you probably don't know me, but I know I came REALLY close to kill myself back in Feb. of 1996. I was in the middle of a family battle with my stepdad,(he told me that my life wasn't worth sh#t and I should have never been born) I lived alone, all money I had went to bills ( I ate mustard sandwiches and cereal for 5 months) and felt totally alone. The guy I was seeing came out and told me that no one would ever marry me cuz I all was, was a booty call.

There were times I would go to sleep and hope I would never wake up. I use to wish that my birth mother should have an abortion instead of having me. There were things in my head I couldn't forget but I wish I could. I went throught somethings in my childhood that NO CHILD should have gone through.

But thanks to friends, I'm getting better. I'm now married to a wonderful man who treats me like a lady.(unforunatly we both are currently unemployed) My relationship with my mom is getting better. (but on the downside I can't get along with her husband and I no longer call him my stepdad.) I'm currently looking for my birth mother and I'm dealing with what happened to me in my so-called childhood.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I'm breathing today because people cared about me. I'm writing this message because I care about YOU. Please feel free to pm me if you need someone to talk to. Take care... :rose: you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hey, Chris. Glad things seem a little brighter for you. I hope you can see that there are alot of people here who care about you and your well being. We've lost some good friends here already and don't want to lose you too. Need to talk? We're here for you!

aaron.... damn boy.. you have been giving very good advice lately!
and iloveknightrider... welcome :wave: I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you yet.. but your story was very touching.. I'm glad you are making it through all of this! What a strong woman! I'm proud of you!

Zacros.. I'm glad things are becoming a little clearer for you.. and I'm glad that you informed us of your situation.. you don't know how much we "xchangers" worry about each other... sure we may argue once in a while within this big family... but we ALL care about each other... (believe it or not)... and I'd hate to not see your smiling avatar every once in a while :(

Sounds like you have been making some good contacts within the boards the past day or so.. keep in mind that you can come to any of us with this! Including me :)

And take aaron's advice... take one thing at a time, and don't worry about that silly virgin thing!! You have your whole life, (yes that's right, I said your WHOLE life) ahead of you to take care of that! It will happen when it's right!

Take care!!

You know what I always say to you Zac. Hang in there. You'll get through it. :)

Hi there Tinajo :wave:

Big Thank You for those kind words. They really mean alot. :rose:

Thanks for posting a message Zacros! I haven't been able to get you off of my mind. I agree w/ all the other women here, I love seeing that avatar!:D
Michael's idea about taking a trip to check up on you sounds pretty fun too!;)
I hope you'll find some comfort. Come in here anytime you need and I hope we'll be able to help out!

I dont really have time to post anything right now, but I'd just like to say that I am deeply touched by how much you all care me, and for each other.
I'm glad I was invited into the chat last night, and I'm glad I could make a few of you laugh :) Especially Pippin ;) lol

A smile :) And making someone laugh means you're making someone happy :)